Sandwich Boy
by Dr. Blind
Summary: Alec only wants one thing - Magnus Bane to acknowledge his existence. M for later lemons
1. Rich Kid

**Sandwich Boy**

**Rich Kid**

Magnus was getting a sandwich so I decided to get a sandwich too.

We didn't know each other. We'd never even had a class together. But I just couldn't get over him. How he looked, how he walked, the way his messy hair fell in his eyes... Those eyes were so amazing. Big and green, yet folded. Someone said he was half Chinese, Isabelle thought he was probably Japanese, I heard his mother was Indonesian, and he dressed like he was in a Korean boy band. The best part was how tall and lean he was. I liked feeling small, which wasn't common, what with how tall I was myself.

Magnus Bane. God, even his name was cool. He was a little bit of an obsession for me. It seemed like my mind was always wandering back to him. Sometime's I just followed him around. Not in a stalker kind of way. I just walked where he walked. You know, so I could watch how he moved and listen to what he said. His sneeze was adorable. He chewed on his pen caps. He could lean back unbelieveably far in library chairs without falling over.

He didn't have enough money for a ham and swiss on whole wheat, which ironically enough was the same sandwich I was debating splitting a twenty over.

The lunch lady was arguing with him. "You're holding up the line, Mister."

"Yeah, I know. One sec. I think I have some dimes in here," he said spinning his wallet around.

"Dimes? You're three dollars short," she said.

He gave her an incredulous look. "Yeah, and I have thirty dimes."

She sighed. "It's a three dollar sandwich."

"And I have three dollars!"

The sun shone down on my opportunity to gain Magnus's attention/undenying gratitude and affection. I boldly slammed my sandwich down beside his and gave the lunch lady my twenty. "Both," I said as manly as I could. She rang it through before Magnus could realize what I'd done.

"Wait, no, I have the money - "

"NEXT!" the lunchlady shouted and we were ushered out of the food corral.

Magnus stumbled over a backpack and glared at the door. His ripped up wallet hung open. I caught a glimpse of a yellow foil package. Ohmygoditwasacondom. He shut it and shoved it in his back pocket with a scowl. I smiled and handed him his sandwich.

He turned his glare onto me and all but snarled, "Keep it, rich kid. I don't need your fucking charity."

"Uh... what?" I stared down at the two sandwiches and then looked back up at him, only he was walking away. He turned around the corner and was gone.

A hand landed on my shoulder and Isabelle laughed. "Smooth."

I rolled my eyes, but my knees felt weak and my face was hot. What the hell was wrong with me? I'd insulted him. Part of me wanted to cry while the other part wanted to kick Magnus. "What am I going to do with two sandwiches?" I finally forced myself to say.

Isabelle and I began to walk back to our table. Jace was sitting with his rugby buddies because it was Thursday, but Simon and Clary were at our table. I dropped the sandwiches to the table and then sat down. "Don't worry about it Alec," Isabelle was saying. "You did nothing wrong."

"What happened?" Clary asked.

Isabelle waved it away. "Alec bought that Bane kid a sandwich and got bitched out for it."

Ah, Isabelle. Good old observant Isabelle. Her sort-of-not-really-but-kind-of boyfriend, Simon, toyed with the charms on her bracelet absently, his eyes on the extra sandwich. "You gonna eat that?" he said.

I stared at it for a minute and then stood up. "No. Magnus is." And then I grabbed the sandwich and stormed out of the cafeteria.

It was Thursday, so the Badass Asians were hanging out near big tree in the courtyard. Not stalking, just observing. The Badass Asians were all untouchable and gorgeous and Asian. They were split up into different sections based on their language and talked in their national dilects, unless they were talking to other BA's outside of their language. Magnus sat with the BA's who only spoke English. On that fateful Thursday Magnus was sitting at one of the picnic tables, scribbling in a sketchpad alone. It was like bursting through a barrier into completely unchartered territory. The BA's went completely silent. Like, cricket silent.

"You," I said to Magnus, pointing the sandwich at him. I was winging it and my heart was pounding. Everyone at school knew me as fluffy Alec. Wouldn't hurt a fly Alec. I was good at keeping my temper under wraps, but Magnus had encurred my wrath. "You're a jerk." Oh yeah. Take that. Feel the burn.

Magnus looked up and cocked an eyebrow. It was pierced. Unf. "Excuse me?"

"I bought you this and you threw it back in my face." I tossed the sandwich at him dramatically. It landed softly on his sketchpad. "Ergo, you are a jerk."

He laughed without humor and leaned back. "I'm a jerk because I don't want your pity?"

I crossed my arms, feeling a dozen pairs of Badass Asian's eyes on me. Except for Bobby Yung, of course. He had a patch on because of his pink eye. "It wasn't pity. It's called being nice. You should try it some time."

"Hey, don't even act like you know me!" he half shouted.

I shook my head. "Whatever." And then I started to walk away.

"I'm not eating this fucking sandwich, you rich prick," he snarled.

My whole body froze. It was like he'd thrown ice water on me. There was no way I could turn around. There was no way I could let any of the BA's see that I was almost crying. I swallowed thickly and said, "I'm sorry that I didn't want you to go hungry. If that makes me a prick, then fine. I'm a prick."

And then I left.


	2. Change

**Change**

I had never felt so unbelievably tired in my entire life.

I was sweaty and sore and just wanted to take a year long shower. Mud was splattered up my calves from soccer practice. I forced my shoes off and took a moment to peel off my socks with the utmost care. Why did I always help Coach Fell pick up pylons and sort out the storage locker?

Oh, right. So I could have the locker room all to myself. I imagined that standing in the boys locker room for me was a little bit like one of my team mates standing in the girls locker room. Insecure, uncomfortable, and a little bit voyeuristic, only in a really wrong, really intrusive way. So I always made sure I was alone. It gave me a lot of time to shower, which was an added plus. I pulled off my shirt and pushed my shorts down around my ankles and then half-limped over to the shower. The ball had charly-horsed me mid game and I was still feeling it. Hot water kissed my skin deliciously. I decided to go full board and soap the sweat and mud out of my hair and then finally shut the shower off. I was going to just step out in the buff, but something told me not to. I wrapped my Daffy Duck towel around my waist and pulled the curtain back.

Magnus was laying on the benches, holding a book over his head. He turned his head and whistled. I almost screamed and slammed the curtain shut.

"What are you doing here?" I asked gruffly.

He replied, "I came to apologize. I overreacted. You were just trying to be nice."

"Oh," I mumbled. "Uh, thank you."

"No, really," he said. "I was already pissed off. The fashion trip to Chicago got its price bumped up because some stupid twat in the lower grades needs a hotel with a fucking wheelchair ramp. I can't afford to go anymore."

This was the point in which Magnus gave me yet another chance to make a complete ass of myself, though it wasn't until later that he figured out how. I slowly pulled the curtain back and stepped out. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," I said. His eyes followed me from the shower to the bench where all of my stuff sat. I grabbed my boxers from the top of my gym bag and put them on under my towel. And then in a move so bold even I didn't understand it, I let the towel drop.

"You have back dimples," Magnus said immediately. "How adorable."

"I do?" I said, and then tried to turn around to see. Of course, you can't see your own back, so I just ended up spinning around, which Magnus seemed to think was hilarious. "Huh. I guess I'll just have to take your word for it."

"You're sort of weird," he chuckled as he got to his feet. "Oh, and I dig the Spiderman underwear."

I blushed so hard I saw stars and quickly pulled on a pair of cargo pants. "My mom always buys my brother and me ridiculous underwear," I admitted. "I think it's to keep us from taking our pants off."

I finally turned around to face Magnus as I put my t-shirt on. It was so huge on me that the neckline almost reached my shoulder. "I think it's endearing," he said. We were so close. I could feel the warmth coming off his body, we were that close. His mouth was a little bit open and his eyes were unreadable. I knew that I could lean in and kiss him. I knew that he was letting me know I could kiss him. God, he was gorgeous and gay and wanted me to kiss him. It was everything I wanted and it was scaring the fuck out of me.

I turned around and grabbed my Duct tape covered gym bag and then scooted over to the side. "Seriously, if you ever need sandwich money, don't hesitate to ask."

He sounded disappointed when he said, "Sure."

"So how did you know I'd be in here, anyways?" I asked as I opened the door for him.

Magnus reached over and ruffled my wet hair. My mind went a little blank, thinking "HE'S TOUCHING ME WITH HIS ACTUAL HAND WHY DIDN'T I KISS HIM WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE JESUS ALEC YOU ARE SUCH A WIMP FUCK FUCK FUCK." "Oh, Lightwood. You're not the only one good at stalking."

Uh oh.


	3. Language of Awkwardness

**Language of Awkwardness**

I managed to stay away from Magnus for a good two weeks. Everywhere he went, I didn't. Isabelle called it "anti-stalking", though she pointed out it was still a form of stalking because I knew where Magnus was and made sure to avoid those places. Even though I was avoiding him, I was still thinking of him. And checking up on his Facebook. His new profile picture was gorgeous. It was him laughing and sweaty at a club. He went clubbing and he was sixteen. Imagine!

I only saw him at school twice in those two weeks. Once was in the hallways. I was getting a book and he was going to class. He stopped to drink out of a water fountain and his shirt lifted a little bit. "Alec, are you even listening to me?"sighed Jace. "Hey, Earth to Alec."

I snapped out of it. "No, I was listening. Just thirsty." When I looked back at the water fountain Magnus was gone, but I still took a drink out of it, thinking "HIS MOUTH WAS HERE".

The second time was during soccer practice, though I wasn't sure if I actually saw him. It was late Friday evening and it was starting to rain. I looked like a muddy drowned rat and my shirt kept sticking to me in the most uncomfortable way possible. It really started to pour and Coach fell called final point. I ran up to kick the ball away from Perry Sunner when I swore I saw him standing beside the bleachers, all teased hair and tight jeans. Suffice to say I missed the ball.

After two weeks I decided enough was enough. No, that didn't mean I was going to talk to him. It just meant that I was going to start following him around again. But not in a creepy stalker way, of course. I was just... I just... Okay, I wanted to feel close to him, but I was afraid of him. He was so different from me. He was a scholarship kid: someone who had to and did work hard to get what they wanted in life. And he was so beautiful and funny and comfortable with himself. I was none of that. In fact, I was basically the opposite of him: awkward, ugly, shy, and filthy stinking rich. I wasn't artsy or cool. I just had money and popular siblings so people automatically felt the need to like me.

When I decided to follow Magnus around, things seemed to go back to normal. Lunch with Clary, Simon, Jace, Isabelle, and whatever hangers-on decided to stick to our table. Usually other rich jock kids who only gave Clary and Simon the time of day because we hung around with them. And because the four of them were all dating. Not as a foursome! As two twosomes, though sometimes it didn't feel like that. When you hang around couples it's easy to feel like the odd one out.

That was why things were easier when I started following Magnus again. All I had to do was say, "I have to go do homework," and then go wherever Magnus was with my books. Sometimes I actually had homework. Usually I just doodled epic battles between me and various imaginary beasts. I was doing just that in the library, listening to Lady Gaga on the lowest setting I could without not being able to hear it. Straight jocks aren't supposed to listen to Lady Gaga. Well, Jace did, but no one questioned his heterosexual status so he was allowed. Our library was fancy, sort of like my Dad's study at home. There were globes and atlas's and giant oak shelves of encyclopedia's and self help books and section with bean bag chairs and young adult books. The librarian, Mr. Forester, worshipped the ground John Green walked on so the John Green Book Club was going on in the Bean Bag Valley, displacing the BA's.

They weren't in their usual spot, which was what messed up my perception of them and caused me to totally freak out when Magnus sat down in front of me and yanked out my headphones. "What are you listening to?" he asked, snatching my iPod. "Holy fuck, do you have bionic ears or something?"

He smelled like peppermint and was chewing gum like a hairdresser, snapping it and popping it. "Wait, don't!" I cried, reaching out for my iPod. But it was too late. He turned it up so it was blaring Bad Romance and everyone could hear it. I turned red.

"Oh, praise Godga!" he half-moaned, his eyes rolling back. And then he started to laugh at my face. Jerk. "What, is this a guilty pleasure for you?"

I frowned, trying to ignore the eyes on my back. I did a quick scope around, but it seemed that people didn't actually care about the two of us. "Sort of," I said. "But it's not the worst."

"What's the worst?"

"K-Pop."

"Ibwa, nan hangug eseo wass-eo!" he cried. "My mom's Korean! How's Korean music a bad thing?"

Point one for me. "I have no clue what they're saying."

He started trying to guess the password on my iPod. "Honestly, it's better that you don't. Boys are cuter when you don't know what the fuck they're saying."

"Я немного одержимы с вами," I said quickly. "That's Russian."

Magnus lifted his eyebrows, legitimately suprised. "You're fluent?"

I shrugged. "Not really. It's probably really choppy. My mom went through this phaze when I was eight. She wanted me to be octo-lingual or something, but I only ended up learning a little bit of a whole bunch of languages."

He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it, puzzled. "Um, why is my name your password?"

My mind flew straight out of my ear and into denial. "What?"

Magnus lifted up my iPod and showed me that he had indeed typed in my password. My stomach flipped and I opened my mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. "Alec..." he started.

I stood up, shoved my books in my bag, grabbed my iPod, and left, once again feeling like I was going to cry, only this time it was from supreme embarrasment.


	4. On Me

**On Me**

Everyone got the wrong idea about Magnus. They thought he did something to make me upset. Jace and Isabelle vowed to make him suffer, but I straightened them out quick. The League of Money Bags immediately jumped on the chance to win my approval because apparently I was like some sort of secretive demigod of wealth to them. I was doing what I usually did on Friday nights: stare blankly at Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter until something interesting happened.

That was when I got the text from Jace saying to get the fuck over to the school. That was extremely weird, seeing as how it was ten-thirty and the school should have been completely empty. I knew that Jace meant business so I grabbed my coat and hailed a cab to the Upper East Side. Jace wasn't answering my texts and Isabelle was at Clary's, so I had absoloutely no idea what was happening. And I was in my pyjama pants with pretty bad bed head, even though I hadn't been sleeping.

The cabbie dropped me off a block away from the school and I ran the rest. Our school looked creepy, especially in the dark. It was old and huge and Victorian. Add into that the full moon and the sounds of teenage males fighting and you had a seriously uncomfortable situation. Jace scared the shit out of me by running up the sidewalk. He looked like he usually did when he went out with his buddies - like a certified god - but he was sweaty and his face was red, like he'd been running.

"I left the guys at The Rocks," he panted, "when I got this." He gave me his phone. It was a picture of Magnus, hands tied with a skipping rope, on one of the soccer posts.

My legs were suddenly pushing me away from Jace, towards the sound of the bedlam. The BA's were fighting The League of Money Bags. It was like something out of Lord of the Rings, only without the huge tusked elephants and firebreathing dragons. Okay, it was more like something out of The Outsiders, except instead of the rich kids fighting the poor kids it was rich kids fighting slightly less rich kids who happened to be Asian. In the middle of it all was Magnus, tied to a soccer post with a bloody nose and a seriously pissed expression.

I ran past everyone, ducked away from Badass Asian's trying to grab at me, and got right behind Magnus when someone put me in a headlock and dragged me away. I elbowed them in the ribs and ran full tilt at Magnus.

"Oh, brave knight," he said angrily. "Save me from my ivory soccer post."

"I'm sorry!" I was nearly hyperventillating. "What the fuck are they thinking?"

The knots binding Magnus's wrists finally sprang free and he struggled to his feet. I grabbed his arm and helped him upright. For a moment he looked like he was going to hit me, but then he saw that there were actual tears in my eyes and frowned. "Hey, don't do that," he said.

I sniffled and wiped them away before anyone else could see. "You're bleeding," I said. "Wait, I have some Kleenex." I pulled out one of those portable ten packs of Kleenex and Magnus made a grab for it. But I was too quick. I tugged one out and grabbed his face with one of my hands, using the other to wipe at the blood. Magnus flinched a little and I pulled back. "Oh, sorry."

"It's okay," he said. "Th-thanks."

The sounds of fighting were dying down as people noticed that Magnus was free. More than that, he was free and I was trying to tend to his bloody nose.

"Well then," Jace said. "It seems that this fight has all been for nought."

I turned around and faced all of the people staring at us. When I spoke, I was addressing the LoMB's. "What the fuck were you doing?"

Peter Lancey said, "He was saying shit about you."

"What shit?"

Peter looked confused. "I don't know... Just shit."

"So you heard a vague rumour and decided that was enough to tie him up and beat the shit out of him?"

"We didn't beat the - "

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" I screamed, and everyone seemed to flinch away from me, even Jace and Magnus. "You know what? Fuck you posers. Jace, Magnus. We're leaving."

They watched us go with big, blank eyes. Magnus and Jace were completely silent as we cornered the school. Magnus was rubbing at his wrists. there were bruises forming there. Jace put his hand on my shoulder and I stared at him before looking back down at the ground.

"Well, this night has been unexpected," Magnus finally said once the school was out of sight. "You're really loud."

"I know."

We crossed 44th Street and Jace frowned. "I should really get back to The Rocks. I left Clary and Isabelle alone with the rugby team..."

I put both of my hands on his shoulders and met him square in the eyes. "You left your rugby team alone with Isabelle? God have mercy."

He got the message and hailed a cab, leaving Magnus and I alone. That was when I remembered I was in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt and plaid flannel pyjama pants. Alone. With Magnus. In pyjamas. In public. Did I mention Magnus was there?

"Sorry to wake you up," Magnus said with a snicker.

"I wasn't sleeping."

He made a face. "Then what were you doing?"

Sitting alone on my laptop, eating ridiculous amounts of junk food and being a lonely pathetic geek who never has any fun. "Just chilling. You know, like a villain."

Magnus laughed. "You're absurd. Let's get pizza."

I frowned. "I didn't bring my wallet."

He waved it away and put his hand on my shoulder, resting there. "Don't worry about it. It's on me."

**I'm trying to write this fast so that i can get to the lemon.**


	5. Kiss

**Kiss**

"So, fanboy, why aren't you out partying with your siblings?" asked Magnus. His mouth was full of plain cheese pizza because he was a vegetarian that day. He said his relationship with not eating animals was an on again off again thing. Chewed up food had never been so adorable.

"Fanboy?" I asked, wrapping cheese around my finger.

"Yeah, I've decided that you classify as a fanboy. After all, my name is your password, right?"

My face turned red and I looked down. New York pizza was the best of the best but it somehow tasted better when Magnus was around. "I don't like partying," I said. "I prefer... solitude."

"And anime?"

"And anime," I admitted. "How did you guess?"

He shrugged. "The geek in you is becoming more and more apparent. No wonder you're friends with that Simon kid."

I took a huge bite of my pizza. We had a whole pie to get through, and as much as I wanted to hang around with him, I was still in my pyjama's and my mom expected me to be at home when she got back from the Lightwood Trade International party. "We're only sort of friend's. He's more into music and I'm still in the geek closet."

"I'm assuming that's not the only closet you're in."

I met his eyes for a brief moment and then had to look at the table. Fuck. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"If I did I have a feeling I'd end up tied to another pole." He reached out and touched my hand. I jumped. "Maybe the flagpole this time. I've always loved heights."

I let his hand stay on mine and looked up. He was smiling so wide that I couldn't help but do the same. "I'm sorry," I said.

"No problem. I wasn't talking shit about you, by the way."

"I know."

"I think you're adorable, by the way."

"I know."

"I sort of want to kiss you, by the way."

"Please do."

My response surprised him. He hesitated for a moment and then leaned forward. I did the same. Our lips touched. His tasted like blood. I knew that because my mouth wasn't closed all the way. His hand slid up my arm and into my hair, holding me in place. Slowly, he moved his mouth open and mine went with it. His tongue flicked out and ran over my bottom lip and I made this weird breathy sound. That seemed to be a good thing because he hummed low in his throat, brought the kiss to a close, and then caught my bottom lip in between his teeth. Our kiss tasted like something stolen and sweet and secret - and a little bit like cheese pizza. The 24/7 pizzeria was dark in the back and no one was looking. Magnus pulled away and stood up, then slid over so that we were on the same bench. His arms came around me for the first time and I was in heaven. He kissed me until my lips were swollen. My fingers got all tangled in his purple mesh cardigan and he slipped his hand under my t-shirt to trace the dimples on my lower back. The ones he'd found.

When I had to pull away to breathe he moved down to my neck, kissing and licking and sucking. Sucking and biting. Making me make weird little wounded dog noises. I slid my hands up and knotted it in his hair. He bit me a little hard and I tugged in shock. For a moment I was terrified that that was going to ruin the mood but he actually GROANED. Like, guttural sexual 'do-that-again' groan. I was glad we were sitting in semi-darkness because I think I would have died if he could have seen my raging hard on. It wasn't my first kiss, or even my first time making out, but it was by far the best time. Also, it was with a guy, which was a major plus, what with me being gay and all. Magnus left a trail of hot kisses up my throat just when I was questioning whether or not he was a vampire and then took over my mouth once again for a final time.

He pulled away and grinned at me. "As much as I'd like to keep going, I'm still super hungry and our pizza is getting cold."

I sighed unhappily, my face going red. "I... uh... Magnus..."

Magnus put a ringed finger to my lips and picked up a piece of pizza. "Don't worry your pretty little head, fanboy. Mum's the word."

Guilt rained over me, but I knew that was how things have to be. I wasn't ready to come out, as stupid as that was to say. I wanted Magnus like crazy, but I just couldn't admit it to the world. "We should do that again."

"Oh, I intend to," he replied. "Now eat your pizza like a good little boy."

And eat my pizza I did.

We parted ways outside the pizza place. He said, "See you on Monday," and I said, "Okay," and then leaned up and kissed him one more time. The whole time he kept playing with the strings on my coat and I held onto the front of his cardigan for dear life. We broke apart and I beamed at him, cheeks red, walking backwards.

"Bye."

"Bye."

And as innocent as that all was, I knew that I was going to have Sore Knuckle Syndrome for the rest of the weekend just thinking of the feeling of his teeth scraping against my throat and his tongue sliding over the backs of my teeth.


	6. Bathroom

**Bathroom**

That weekend Magnus became a disease. It was alright on Friday because Max was still at a sleepover and Mom was still at the party and Dad was still in Prague and Isabelle and Jace were still out having fun. I, on the other hand, was putting a sock in the drier and wimpering like an abused panda in the bathroom attached to my bedroom. Saturday was misery. I would be going about my daily business and suddenly I would remember Friday night and have to go excuse myself. Sock after sock after sock. My Mom thought I was coming down with the flu, the way I kept running off to the bathroom. Worst of all, I had a hell of a time hiding the hickey Magnus gave me. I ended up filling my cleat with rocks and swinging it at my own neck so that it looked like I'd been stepped on during soccer practice. It didn't work, but it turned out that it didn't need to work. Jace was the only one who knew I'd left the house on Saturday and he announced, "Eww, you have a big bug bite on your neck."

Ass = saved.

Monday came and I was basically a zombie. My body was incapable of producing any more semen, maybe even for the rest of my life, and the wicker basket of socks hidden under my bed was weighing heavy on me. Jesus, what if Rosie found them when she came to clean? She would think I was a filthy pig! She'd go show my Mom and they'd ship me off to fucking bible camp! All that didn't really matter when lunchtime came and Magnus came looking for me. He sat down at our table like it was nothing, unwrapped his sandwich, and started talking to me like I didn't have carpal tunnel from jerking off because of him. But after what happened by the soccer posts on Friday, it seemed. All of the BA's and the LoMB's seemed to be avoiding me and Magnus with shame written on their faces.

"Guys, this is Magnus," I said.

"Yes. Yes it is," said Simon, who was Magnus's lab partner.

"Hello," said Clary, who was prone to being impartial towards almost everyone.

"Ciao," said Jace, who assumed that because he liked spaghetti he could speak Italian.

"How did you do that with your blazer?" asked Isabelle, who was always looking for creative ways to make her uniform pieces against school policy.

Magnus's school blazer had huge holes in it that were filled with a sort of fishnet material. It looked a bit like someone had ripped chunks out of it, baring its skeleton. He explained how he did it and Isabelle started taking notes, then we all started talking about the pig dissection going on in the biology class Simon and Magnus were in. Magnus wanted to touch a pig heart. Simon refused to do it because the pig wasn't kosher/he hated touching dead things.

And then came the part of lunch where everyone broke off to do separate things. Sometimes Simon and Clary would go together and I would do something else with Jace or with Isabelle or with both. But usually all four of them were preoccupied with themselves, and while I was welcome to join them, I honestly didn't want to. That time they broke off into their usual pairs and I was left with Magnus.

He tapped on my wrist and said, "Come on, I want to show you something."

Whoa. Please don't let that be what I think it is.

We walked side by side out of the school, not even close to touching. Our school had a field, which was an amazing feat, what with it being in Manhattan and all. It wasn't huge - in fact, other schools from out of the city would probably laugh at it - but it suited our purposes and we appreciated the grass in a city of concrete. I thought that was where he was heading, but he turned at the last moment to the staff entry. Magnus grabbed the door handle, jerked it upwards and then down in quick succession and then pulled it open. The staff entry led to the back of the library, to the teacher work rooms, and of course to the rest of the school. Believe my surprise when Magnus led me back into the normal part of the school, close to my locker.

"Wh-" I began.

Magnus said, "Shh," and then pushed open the door to the boy's bathroom and waved for me to go in. I did. Just like the hall outside, it was empty. The door shut, the handle spun back, and the lock clicked. Our school was old, meaning we had doors with handles for the bathrooms. That was what Magnus was thinking about when he stole a sent of keys from the janitors closet in the ninth grade. He could lock the bathroom door from the inside. Janitors, students, and teachers alike would think it was closed for maintainence and he could piss alone in privacy. That was what he told me.

"Then why did we have to go outside?"

"In case people were following us. Now they think we're outside."

I snorted. "I highly doubt people are following us."

"You follow me."

"That's different."

He sauntered up to me, made me lean back until my butt was pressed against the sink. "How?"

I shrugged. "So this is what you wanted to show me? Your bathroom key?"

"Actually, I was going to suck your cock, but yes, I wanted to show you the bathroom key."

"WHAT?"

Magnus put a hand over my mouth and smirked. "Shhhh! Empty bathroom's are silent."

I tried to calm myself down but my heart was pounding like crazy. He wanted to do what? I blinked at him a couple of times, feeling my face go red. Magnus leaned over and kissed me on the forehead before unbuckling my belt with his free hand. I pulled his hand away from my mouth. "Magnus, you can't!" I hissed.

"You don't want me to?" He looked severely disappointed.

"No, it's not that. I... you can't... we're at... People will KNOW."

He chuckled. "No they won't. It's perfectly safe. See the dust on the mirrors? No one uses this bathroom anyways. It's always too hot in here."

"Magnus," I started.

He shook his head. "Do you want this or not?"

God, did I want it. I averted my eyes and nodded. "O-Okay."

"Not good enough. Tell me you want it."

"I... I want it."

Magnus ruffled my hair and kissed me again, this time on the lips. Then on the chin. Then on the throat. In the center of my collarbone. My chest through my shirt. My belly button. His knees made a loud, hollow sound when they hit the floor. It echoed through the bathroom and didn't help my state. That state of course was the raging erection in close proximity with Magnus's gorgeous honey skinned face. The top two buttons on his dress shirt were undone and I could see all of his collarbone and part of his chest. Unf.

He kissed the button on my school pants and then took the fabric in between his perfectly crooked teeth. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He pulled the fabric up with his teeth and then pushed the button through with his tongue, then caught the zipper and dragged it downwards so that my fly was open. The whole time his hands remained loose in his lap. I felt a little faint, to be honest. He took one look at my Batman boxers and snorted. My face flushed. Oh God, this was actually happening. I was actually on the verge of oral sex with Magnus Bane and my mother's ingenious method of cockblocking her sons was actually going to work.

"You're so cute," he said, and then grabbed the baggy fabric of my school pants at the knees and tugged down.

I had to brace myself against the sink and try not to be mortified at my painfully obvious erection straining against Robin's fucking face. Magnus didn't seem to notice how humiliated I looked. He bit his lip and smiled to himself and then licked my dick through my underwear. It was quick, but that didn't matter. I gasped and squeezed my eyes shut immediately. Magnus hooked his thumbs around the elastic of my boxers and pulled them down too, leaving me completely and utterly exposed.

"Perfect," I thought I heard him whisper. I peeked down at him, wanting to read his face, just in time to watch him graze his hand up my thigh, grab the base of my dick, and lick from his thumb knuckle outwards.

I gasped again, knowing that this wasn't going to last long. I had the Virgin's Curse and Magnus seemed to know what he was doing. First, he put the head in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. Then he took a little bit more and a little bit more. I couldn't believe how much he could fit. I would have been choking to death if I even thought about trying to do that. Then he began pumping and sucking and bobbing his head. I had to look away. My head was thrown back and my eyes were shut, but I could feel him hollowing his cheeks out. I raised my hand to bite my knuckle because I kept moaning and my voice kept cracking. I was getting so close and my knees were shaking. Magnus scraped his teeth against me and I just lost it. He pulled away and I looked down, meeting his eyes just in time to watch me blow my load on his gorgeous face.

The guilt was instantaneous. I wanted to pull up my pants and then curl up in a ball and die. Magnus did the former, but I didn't have a chance to do the latter. He stood up, his knees cracking, and then checked himself out in the mirror. "Shit, you got me good," he said, brushing the jagged side pieces of his hair back. "Get me some toilet paper."

I walked shakily over to one of the stalls and grabbed him a big wad of toilet paper. He had the water running and was splashing it on his face. He caught some in his cupped hand, knocked it back into his mouth, gargled, and then spit it back out into the sink. I handed him the toilet paper and he smiled at me brightly in the mirror. He wet it and then turned the faucet off before scrubbing the rest of my cum off, making sure I didn't get any in his hair.

"Um..." My voice cracked and I coughed.

He ruffled his own hair and then tossed the toilet paper at the trash can. "Virgin?" he asked.

I nodded. Magnus put his arms around me and I felt a little bit less soulless and dirty. He kissed me on the cheek like a chaste little angel and said, "It's okay. I know how you feel."

I gave him a tight hug because he said exactly what I needed to hear. The bell rang and he kissed me again. "You go out first. I have a spare period."

And all through English class I couldn't help but feel like drifting off to sleep.


	7. FWB

**FWB**

I thought everything would change after what we did in the bathroom. The next time we saw each other was lunch the next day. I thought that when everyone was gone things would be different. I thought he would treat me like I was something special, or at least like what we'd done had some meaning. That wasn't true, though. We went off campus and got popsicles at a corner store. He didn't bring it up, didn't acknowledge the guilty way I was watching him lick his Creamsicle. We walked back to the school, talking like nothing was wrong, even though my heart was pounding in my chest. The bell rang and we parted ways without even touching. The manly fist bump slash high five I'd come to associate with male friend's was completely absent. He smiled, said he'd see me again later, then went off to class.

The next day was the same thing, only we went to watch Jace play rugby against a team from Brooklyn. Magnus screamed "FORE!" when Jace threw the ball and Clary choked on her orange pop. Everything was hunky dory. We were just two friends hanging out. People didn't even seem to think it was weird anymore. The BA's and the LoMB's were talking to us again, some of them even sat with us in the bleachers. It was the weirdest thing. I was so close to Magnus. I could literally reach out and touch him, talk to him and have him listen. He knew me and acknowleged me and hung out with me, but I'd never felt farther away from him. He was holding back from me. We both knew what happened but it was almost like he was pretending it hadn't.

The third day Magnus wasn't at school.

The fourth day he said we were going to the corner store again, only we went out the back door. My stomach did flip flops and suddenly we were back in the bathroom. The door was locked without a word and he all but pounced on me. His hands were in my hair and all over my chest, sliding under my shirt. Magnus backed me up against the wall and hitched my knee on his narrow hip. I had to grab onto his shoulders to keep from falling over, but that didn't work out as well as I thought. I slipped and grabbed onto the front of his shirt, undoing three hole buttons. Magnus wasn't built like Jace, or even like me. He didn't have defined abs, but you could see the lean muscle. His skin was so perfect and golden. I ran my hands over his chest and he shivered. It gave me just enough confidence to stray from his mouth and trail kisses down to his neck. He tilted his head to give me better access and his grip on the back of my knee tightened. I tugged on his hair because I was convinced he liked that.

What I expected was for him to groan, maybe sigh. Instead his knees went weak and he became completely incapable of holding the both of us up anymore. We went down hard, his hand flying to my mouth to keep me from shouting. The two of us lay there in shock for a moment and then Magnus began laughing like crazy. It was contageous. I buried my face in his neck to try and stop. Magnus's whole body shook when he laughed. His face lit up and his eyes shined. I wanted to take a million pictures of him laughing.

"Oh Alec," he managed. "You're so cute."

The world was suddenly rolling. I felt Magnus's body on top of mine, warm and soft. He smelled like peppermint and hairspray. "Magnus," I started. I had to do it. I had to ask him what I was to him.

A strange look passed his face. It was soft and sad. Then he was getting to his feet, extending a hand to help me up. I took it. "You're the best FWB I've ever had."

I blinked a couple times, starting at his reflection. He was straightening out his hair and his shirt in the mirror. "FWB?"

"Yeah, you know, 'friend with benefits'."

Friend with benefits.

Friend with benefits.

Friend.

With benefits.

Friend.

Friend.

I felt sick again. "Oh," I said. My voice was hoarse. "Thanks. I have to pee." And then I dived past the urinals and into one of the stalls so that he couldn't see me cover my ears and scream without noise like I used to do when I was five. God, how stupid could I be? How could I think that Magnus Bane wanted something with me? Something more than just friends? At least he hadn't called us fuck-buddies. I probably would have hit him. Hard.

I left the stall and hurried over to the door. Magnus made a face at me in the mirror. "You didn't pee..."

"I don't have to anymore," I said and then opened the door and speedwalked away from Magnus. If he tried to follow me he didn't even come close to catching up with me.

I saw my reflection in the glass of the vending machine in the student council office. My hair was messed up, my shirt was off-kilter, and my lips were swollen from kissing. At least I didn't have another hickey. The student council office was empty, so I bought a Twinkie and then plunked down on one of the worn couches to pout. Isabelle and I ran the Traders of Tomorrow club even though we both hated it. The only reason we did it was because it gave us student council office privelages. Even though Magnus had a key, the secretary in the main office definitely wouldn't let him back.

What was I going to do? My heart hurt and my head hurt and my stomach hurt. Was this what breaking up felt like? Had we broken up? Was there anything to break up?

I pulled out my phone and texted Maddie Berry. She knew everything about everything. I asked her, "Do you know anything about Magnus Bane?"

She sent back three minutes later, "Yeah, he's a total man-slut."

Well, that didn't help.


	8. Broken

**Broken**

We didn't talk the next week. Every time I saw Magnus I hurried in the other direction, I felt so stupid. But in the end I couldn't avoid him. I opened the curtain of the shower, naively expecting the change room to be empty. Luckily I'd had that weird "Get a towel" feeling, so I wasn't completely in the buff. Magnus was sitting on the bench with his legs crossed Indian style, pounding away at an old LG phone held together with what looked like Duct tape. I suddenly felt like an ass for having an iPhone. He looked up at me and said, "I made you mad."

"No, you didn't," I lied. It was obvious.

He frowned. "Alec, please. Tell me what I did and I'll make up for it."

I shook my head and hurried over to my gym bag, riffling through it to find my boxers. "You didn't do anything. I've just been busy."

"You could have texted me."

"I was busy." My hands were balling into fists. I tried to make them relax. "You know, school work. Soccer. Up and coming socialite stuff."

Magnus mumbled, "Right. Well, if you want to tell me what's actually wrong, I'll be waiting."

I took a deep breath, shoulders tense. "Seriously, Magnus, it isn't anything you did. It's... it's my problem."

"It's not you, it's me," he scoffed. "How many times have I heard that jem?"

"I don't know, Magnus." My voice was sharp and mocking. "How many times _have_ you heard it?"

I span around to glare at him. His mouth was open in a perfect O and his eyes were wide, like I'd slapped him. And then they started watering. He looked down immediately so I wouldn't see them, but it was too late. Oh fuck, I hadn't meant to make him _cry_. "Oh," he said softly. "Oh, I get it. If... If I could change the past I would, but I can't. I'm sorry."

He stood up to leave and I touched his arm. "No, wait, Magnus, that wasn't what I meant. I..." My voice cracked and Magnus met my eyes again. His eye liner was a little smeared. It was the first time I really noticed he wore eyeliner. "I'm bad with emotional stuff," I admitted.

Magnus laughed once and wiped his cheek with his sleeve. "Yeah, I can tell."

"It's just... You just..." I scratched at my arm and looked at the crucifix around his throat instead. It looked like real gold. "I don't want to be your friend with benefits. It's..." My resolve wavered for a moment and then it was back again. "Either we're friends or we're dating. I'm not going any further with you if you don't actually want me." And then I tacked on, "Uh, but if we're dating we can't tell anyone. Just... um, yeah. Just adding that in."

His fingers grazed against my cheek and I managed to look up. "Alec... I really wish I could..." His eyes were wet again.

"Why can't you?"

Magnus sighed and turned away. "I always do this," he admitted. "Alec, you've got to understand something. I've dated a lot of people and every single time it feels like this. All warm and fuzzy and mushy. And then it goes bad. It always goes wrong." He was playing with my wet hair, curling it around his finger, and it felt so right. "Why can't we just try to keep whatever this is without breaking it?"

I snorted bitterly. "Blowing me in a locked public washroom isn't broken to you?"

He dropped his hand. "It's logical. I like you, you like me, I make you feel good, you make me feel good."

"Fuck logic! I don't want casual sex. I want a relationship." My stomach was tying itself in knots. What was I saying? This was Magnus! I should have just taken what I could get. He was willing to give me his body. Wasn't that enough for me?

No. It wasn't. It never would be.

"Magnus," I near whispered, taking his hand. "I promise I won't hurt you."

He turned his head to the side and took a deep breath. "I can't." A tear slid down his cheek, oily with makeup. He pulled away from me and disappeared around the corner. I heard the door hiss shut and I was completely and utterly alone.

**if you're wondering what's up with the quick updates, i'm avoiding studying for finals. 8 fucking chapters and my chem book is gather dust. isn't that funny?**


	9. Payment

**Payment**

It was over before it ever really began. Two make-out sessions, a blow job, and a serious scorch on my heart and ego was all I had to show for my efforts. When it was all said and done I unloaded on Isabelle who couldn't believe I'd gone that far with Magnus. After I told her she kept looking at me funny, like I was actually some sort of sexually devious mastermind who had taken over her brother's body.

"Jeeze, maybe you should tell Jace about this," she suggested, which caused me to go temporarily insane and try to kill her with a pillow. "Okay then! Don't!"

A month went by, most of which was spent with me bitterly eating ice cream and grumbling, staring at Magnus's Facebook. He had a lot of friends, but none of them really seemed close to him. And there was an older man who was always commenting on his status's.

**Magnus Bane** has no fucking clue where his keys keep going.

**Jerry Becker **They were in your school pants. Watch your mouth.

From what I gathered, Jerry Becker was actually Uncle Jerry. His profile told me that he was a priest who ran a soup kitchen in Brooklyn. The conversations between him and Magnus were slowly becoming my event of the day because I somehow convinced myself that he talked to me with the same humour and respect. I was starting to notice that Magnus was a little bit condescending to almost everyone.

I was searching for one of these conversations (not stalking, merely admiring) when I saw that one of the fashion kids posted, "Did you get the money?" on his wall and he replied, "No :( Have fun without me. Or don't. I'd prefer it if you didn't, actually." I knew that we were further away from each other than from when we started. I knew there was nothing I could do to bridge the gap. I'd tried, but it was no use. Magnus and I just weren't meant to be. But god damnit, I was his fanboy and I couldn't stop loving him if I tried.

I loved him. That was why I did it.

I pulled $800 out of my personal bank account and gave it to Ms. Latulippe, begging her to say it was from the school. From other people in their class. From her. Anyone but me. Magnus's trip was paid for in full, travel and hotel and dinners - the whole shebang. He could go to Chicago and raise hell and have fun and live his life. He could be happy. I just wanted him to be happy. That was supposed to be the end of it. We were finished. He was going on the trip. I was still watching insane amounts of The Vampire Diaries in my room, calling Elena a stupid bitch for not just dating Damen.

Our school had lost at the soccer tournament. Not because of me. Our team was actually pretty terrible. It wasn't for a lack of trying, though. I blamed it on Bobby Yung's lack of hand-eye co-ordination, what with his pink eye returning in time for our last game. Everyone had already gone home and Coach Fell was in his office. He trusted me to take everyone's stuff from the bus and put it in the storage room at the back of the gym. I had no where to go in a hurry so I was playing with the grade nine scooters, purposely falling onto the matts. I looked ridiculous, taking a running start at a yellow plastic skateboard, sending myself flying at the big red matts. It was fun, though, and I was tired of not having any fun.

The handle on the store room door jerked and I expected Coach Fell to be standing there, all old and fat and Billy-Goatish.

Instead, Magnus stormed in and slammed the door behind him, locking it with his stupid stolen keys. He did not look pissed. He looked furious. Ruffled and angry and sexy as all living hell. My makeshift skateboard hit the matt and I barely managed to stay standing. Magnus didn't even ask what I was doing. He just held up a form and snarled, "You did this."

"Did what?" I asked, but I already knew. Uh-oh.

Magnus charged at me. He yanked me off the scooter and brought our faces so close they were almost touching. "What the fuck is your problem? I don't want or need your money! I don't want or need you! Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied. God, you could taste how untrue it was. "And even if I did, my motivations are none of your business."

"I'm not going," he said. "I'm not taking your pity money. I'm not letting you buy me. Believe it or not, you can't fucking buy people, Alexander Lightwood."

"I wasn't trying to buy - "

"I was fine without you. I was perfect with your stupid big blue eyes staring at me from far away!"

Magnus was shaking. He crumpled the paper, letting go of me. "Magnus, calm down..." I begged.

He completely ignored me. "This is how it happens. This is how it happens every single fucking time. They buy me things and then they use me and then they leave me. I thought you were different!"

"If I was so different then why did you reject me?" I asked sharply. "Jesus Christ, Magnus, you're acting like a fucking lunatic!"

Magnus shook his head. "I've gotten by just fine. You know how I got into this school? I studied night and day for a year. I changed _everything_ to try and fit in here. But that was never enough, was it? People looked down on me because I didn't have money. They still do. No matter what I do, they still look down on me."

"Magnus, I don't look down on you," I assured him. He wasn't shouting anymore, which was a plus. I slowly bent down and picked up the piece of paper. It was the trip reciept with _Alexander Lightwood_ scribbled at the bottom. Ms. Latulippe wasn't very bright. I could only imagine how that conversation went down. "Oh, don't worry about it, Magnus. Eight hundred dollars is nothing to the Lightwoods. They spend that much money a week on shoes and caviar." Untrue, actually. "I would never look down on you. Magnus, you have no idea how much better than me you are."

He shifted his weight and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Twice in a row I'd made him cry. I'd never felt like such a loser in my life. "You're a billionaire. Upper class. People want to put your face in magazines just because you're you. How is that not better?"

"That's because of my family. Everything I have is because of my family. Do you think I'd go to a private school on the Upper East Side if I wasn't rich as all fuck? No. I would go to a public school because I'm hella lazy. You're here because you're smart and motivated and all of that shit that actually matters." I sighed, feeling my tirade come to a close. "Magnus, you're amazing. I paid for your trip because I wanted you to be happy - not to buy you off. It was supposed to be anonymous."

Magnus stared at me with those big, green eyes. And then we were hugging. He whispered, "I don't know what to do," in my ear and I walked him over to the big red matt so we could sit on the edge.

"Just tell me what happened to you," I replied. "Who used you?"

And he told me a story that put every single rumour about him to shame. Magnus's parents were young and reckless when they had him. He had one of those childhoods where his bottle was filled with CocaCola and his bedtime was whenever he fell asleep on the couch, watching whatever he wanted. Everyone decided it was best for him to go live with his dad's brother Jerry when he started smoking at the ripe old age of twelve. Jerry was kind and humble, but he made enough to pay for the essentials. He put Magnus on the straight and narrow, told him he had to behave and work hard, get into a good college and prove everyone wrong. So Magnus set his sights higher. He wanted to go to a private school. He thought it was going to be a whole bunch of other studious kids working their asses off. He didn't expect to be looked down on. But he had an advantage - even when he was fourteen he was sexy.

The first person to date Magnus was a senior, long gone and forgotten. He bought Magnus a phone so they could stay in touch, as long as it was private. He was head over heels. He didn't even mind the sex stuff, as long as it was with his boyfriend. Things turned sour, though. His boyfriend controlled him by buying him things. He was cold and sometimes downright cruel. Magnus was a pet to him. Something to take his sexual aggresion out on. When it was over it still wasn't over. It was almost like he passed Magnus over to one of his buddies. And it happened again and again. Magnus couldn't leave them. If he did, he would be poor again. He wouldn't fit in anymore. It wasn't until last year that he finally got out of it. He hocked all of their shit and told them to go fuck themselves. He was sick of feeling cheap and dirty. He wanted something more.

So he tried meeting people who he could actually date. He tried dating some of his gay friends, but it never worked out. He tried dating a few girls, but he could never take them seriously. He ended up going to a club with the BA's and chatting with this nice guy at the bar. That nice guy forced him into a stall in the men's room and ruined everything again. Made him feel dirty and wrong and all used up. Magnus swore off everyone after that.

"And then you started stalking me," he said.

I opened my mouth, but there was nothing for me to say. Magnus looked so tired. Everything he'd gone through... I'd watched him the whole time. It was amazing, looking back and remembering the bruises and the hushed conversations with upperclassmen. I thought it was just part of the mystique. I didn't know he was practically whoring himself to fit in with a bunch of rich bastards who would be no where without their parents money.

Magnus looked down at his folded hands. He was wearing black nail polish, chipped. "I liked it, you know," he said. "You didn't have eyes like the rest of them. They weren't mean." He shrugged. "You're so innocent. I wish I could be you."

I bit my lip, heart aching. I reached over and took his hand. Magnus looked at me, still sad and exhausted. I leaned in and pushed his hair away from his forehead. "No one's innocent," I said. "Not you or me or anyone on this planet. Who you've slept with is who you've slept with. Nothing more."

"Alec, I don't know how to be with anyone any other way," he admitted. "I tried to do things right with you and I just made everything perverse and sexual and uncomfortable for you."

I smiled to myself. "I know what to do," I said, and I really did. I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, soft and sweet. He took a slow breath in through his nose and sighed. His hand stayed in my hand, the other on my wrist. Our mouths didn't open. We just kissed, slow and even and wonderful. When he reluctantly pulled away I looked down at his knees and then peered up at him through my eyelashes, cheeks red. "I love you," I said.

There was a long pause. The silence was pregnant. "I love you, too."

And then we fell back against the matts.


	10. Stalker Eyes

**Stalker Eyes**

Magnus should have known something was going to go horribly, horribly wrong when AJ called him up in the middle of the night and told him to go to their hideout. Said hideout was a million dollar penthouse at the tippity top of the Jean Howser Condo Project with a view of the East River from its floor to ceiling windows. Magnus was standing in the bedroom, leaning against the wall and looking out to the frigid water, estimating how long the jump would take before he hit the bottom and died. It was an awful thought, but one that he'd been having more and more often. The cherry of his cigarette reflected back at him, angry and red, in the reflection and he blew smoke at it, hoping it would disappear. He didn't like smoking anymore. It made him feel guilty and sick. But AJ had taken away his gum and there was nothing left to keep his idle hands busy, or to calm his wretched nerves.

He heard keys jingle and the lock click. His stomach turned and he closed his eyes. On the inside of his eyelids he saw AJ's ruggedly handsome and painfully angry face. He let it disolve slowly, until only his cold green eyes remained. And then he imagined they weren't green. They were deep blue with a starburst of violet radiating from the pupil. Those stupid stalker eyes.

AJ's boots clunked as they hit the floor and he began thrashing through the apartment, flicking all of the lights off. The door to the bedroom slammed open and Magnus exhaled another puff of smoke. "Hey," he said, heart fluttering.

"Get on the bed."

Magnus's eyebrows shot up. He turned around and saw AJ's, hair ruffled and shirt halfway undone. He was such a beautifully ugly boy. Magnus licked his top lip and slowly reached over to crush his cigarette at the feet of a little angel statue that was probably worth more than his house. AJ watched him with dark eyes as he gingerly sat down on the bed, tearing his clothes off. Magnus waited until he wasn't looking to swallow hard and take a shaky breath. He peeled off his t-shirt and undid his belt, hands shaking.

AJ appeared in front of him and pushed him back onto the bed, hard. Magnus thought of struggling. He thought of saying no and squirming away. It would have been hard, sure. He was younger, shorter, and thinner than AJ. He was also weak and exhausted from working as a barista all night. That wasn't why he stayed still, though. He knew that if he went against AJ the punishments would be more than a black eye and a ruined fake relationship. All of his money, all of the things AJ gave him, would be gone and he would be that poor misfit scholarship kid again.

AJ tugged off Magnus's jeans and underwear in one breath and then climed on top of him. Magnus figured out what was happening a moment too late. AJ had already lined himself up. He grabbed Magnus by the thighs and forced his way in. It was too much. Magnus screamed, not in ecstasy but in pure agony and terror. He grabbed AJ's shoulders and pushed, but the guy was a university student, a rugby player, and the kind of guy who always got his way. Magnus hit at him and tried desperately to brace his feet against the bed and push him off.

"Stop!" he shouted. "No stop stop stop!"

"You like that?" chanted AJ. "You like it when it hurts, you little slut?"

"GET THE FUCK OFF!" screamed Magnus. He twisted his body and managed to get free of AJ. He rolled off of the bed and onto the floor, hitting his head on the cold marble. AJ hopped down after him, lithe like a cat. "No, stop, stay away!"

AJ put his hand over Magnus's mouth and tried again. Magnus jerked his knee up and got him in the baby factory. His face went sheet white for a moment and he fell to the side. Magnus got to his feet, his head pounding. He grabbed his pants off the floor and forced them up. There were tears in his eyes and his heart felt like a molton stone burning through his body. God, what was wrong with him? Why did he hang around creeps like AJ?

It wasn't worth it, he decided. Not anymore. Magnus slid on his shirt and pulled the unused credit card from his back pocket. It hit the floor with a hollow clatter. "You ever come near me again and I'll tell everyone exactly what you are," he promised. "A rapist. A sick, perverted, faggot rapist."

AJ glared up at him, but said nothing.

Magnus turned and left the apartment. There were so many horrible thoughts flying through his head. He felt worthless and sick and wrong and dirty. Nothing, he knew, would ever make him feel alright again. He rushed through late night Manhattan, completely ignored by the businessmen and the party goer's. He was just another crying kid out on a late October night, heading no where in particular. Or maybe not no where. Magnus found himself getting closer and closer to the East River, thinking that the cold could wake him up from the nightmare his life had become. It could wash away the dirt left by all of the rich boys who'd bought his love and used it all up.

How long would it take him to reach the water from the ground?

But then Magnus caught a glimpse of someone familiar. A pair of deep blue eyes. The stalker eyes. He followed them, his breath ragged. They were staring at him from a newstand - Social Youth Weekly, the front page plastered with the two Lightwood kids, Jace and Isabelle. Magnus knew them from school. They were outgoing and loud and rich as all fuck. Only there weren't two people on the cover. There were three. The third Lightwood, Alexander. He had wonderfully ruffled black hair and a beautiful, pale face. His mouth was upturned at the corners and he was waving at the camera, unlike his siblings.

"ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD: MAN OF MYSTERY," the magazine exclaimed. "FULL ARTICLE ON PAGE THIRTY-FOUR."

Magnus bought the magazine.

He went home with it tucked under his jacket and waited until he was curled up on his futon bed with some Kleenex to dry his own eyes to open it up and read all about those eyes.

Those beautiful stalker eyes.


	11. Matts

**Matts**

I thought losing my virginity would be a big nervous deal. I thought it would be planned out. We will be making love here at this time. You bring the condoms, I'll bring the lube, we'll work together and get this out of the way quick enough. I imagined it would happen in a penthouse. Silk sheets and rose petals to try and calm me down. My heart would be pounding and I would be sweating, so I would have to knock back a couple. Maybe twelve. Turn off my phone and peel off my socks before initiating the passion.

Instead it was in a storage room, surrounded by botchie balls and tennis rackets. No silk sheets. Just the matt they used for high jump in track and field, the material sticking to our skin as we rolled around with our shirts off. Magnus had his hands in my hair, I had one in between his shoulder blades, the other squeezing his ass. He pulled away and licked my lips and then trailed up to my ear, catching the lobe in between he lip and sucking on it. His hands slid down to brace around the back of my neck as I kissed his jaw and slid down to do a circuit of his chest. He had a hoop in his right nipple. I hesitated for the barest second before I caught it in between my teeth and tugged lightly.

Magnus groaned far back in his throat and arched into me, his hands sliding down to my shoulders. I did it again, rubbing my hands up and down his ribs. "Alec," he whimpered. No one had ever said my name like that. Soft and smooth, like honey. Magnus guided me back up to kiss him again by my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around him and he rolled us over so he was partially on top of me. His elbows were on either side of my head and he was resting on them. His hands were playing in my hair again. He loved hair.

I slid my leg up so my knee was bent, playing absently with the notches in Magnus's spine. Something was tickling my chest. I broke away and looked down. Magnus's tie was still hanging from his neck, only partially untied. I grabbed the knot and tugged once. It came apart and I whipped it to the side. Magnus sat back on his knees, giving me a perfect chance to check him out. Without his clothes he looked ruffled and sexy and a weirdly adorable. His pants were slung low on his hips and his belt was partially undone.

"You nervous?" he asked, breathing heavily.

A licked my upper lip quickly. "A little," I admitted.

He smiled then. Usually when he smiled he had a mean glint in his eyes, like he was mocking you in his head, but not then. "Me too."

I sat up, sliding my hand up the side of his face and resting it there with his ear between my thumb and forefinger. "Don't be," I said, kissing him again. It was so absurd, me telling Magnus not to be nervous, that he chuckled against my lips. I swallowed up his laughter, needing more of it. So much more of it.

He scooted closer until he was straddling me. I moved backwards so I could support him better as our tongues swirled around each other. Magnus nipped at my throat again and I couldn't help it. I bucked my hips into his and we both moaned. I remembered him in the library when he saw the Lady Gaga on my iPod. The way he'd moaned then was the same sound, but it was different when it was real. I took note of that. Magnus rocked against me and I followed suit. The friction was amazing. I'd never felt anything like it. We were like that for a couple of minutes, grinding and kissing. I couldn't keep my hands off his skin. It was so soft and warm. I slid by hand down the back of his boxers and groped his ass. He groaned and picked up his pace. His hands trailed down my chest and he began fumbling with the drawstring on my track pants.

Magnus pulled the knots loose and then pulled back. "Alec, baby, wait," he panted. My breaths were heaving, making my whole body swell and shrink. Magnus's eyes were glazed and I could feel how hard he was through his pants.

I was ready. I wanted it. I needed it. Magnus got off my lap.

"Where...?" I began, but then I figured it out.

He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took out the yellow foil wrapper. The condom. Oh good God, this was really happening. Then he took out another square packet. It took me a minute to figure out what it was. I turned bright red, but Magnus didn't acknowledge it. "Top or bottom?" he asked, back to kissing my jaw. "Your choice."

I'd never thought of it before. "Will it hurt?" I asked. He nodded. "The whole time?" He shook his head. "Okay. I'll deal with it."

Magnus kissed the tip of my nose. "I'll go slow," he promised. And then he was pushing me down onto the matts, still kissing and touching and sighing. We were like that for a moment before he sat up and grinned down at me. "You're so beautiful."

My flushed face found a way to get redder and I lowered my eyelashes. "So are you."

Magnus brushed my hair away from my damp forehead and began kissing back down my chest. Past my belly button, I was getting nervous. Was he going to try and blow me again? I wouldn't be able to handle it. That turned out to be a non-issue. He kissed my hip bone, rubbing my lower stomach with his thumbs, his lips curving upward when I couldn't hold back a moan. He curled his fingers around the waistband of my pants and slid them down my legs. My boxers were covered in little cartoon beavers attacking each other with little maple leaves from our trip to Toronto.

"Cute," he chuckled, trailing his fingers over the waistband.

Before he could do anything I sat up halfway and pulled his belt off the rest of the way before popping the button out and dragging his zipper down. When I was nervous my hands didn't shake. If anything they were steadier. Magnus's hands traced patterns on my shoulder blades as I pulled his pants off, revealing a pair of wellworn Batman boxers.

"Uncle Jerry likes to buy me novelty underwear. It's sort of his thing."

We sat there for a moment, beaming at each other, before I said, "You're so perfect," and pulled him back down on top of me. My socks were kicked off so that my toes could curl freely. The way Magnus was grinding with me it was all I could do not to scream. I could feel his cock rubbing against mine, feel his hard dark nipples brushing on my chest. I could smell his shampoo and his peppermint gum and feel his long, thin fingers dragging all over my body. I gave his hair a tug and he groaned into the base of my throat. Knowing that I could do that to him was incredible.

"Alec," Magnus said breathlessly. "Are you ready?"

I met his eyes, uncertain for a moment. But I loved him with my whole heart. It was time. "Yeah."

He grabbed one of the packets. Lube. Oh Jesus.

"You just carry that stuff around?" I asked, more curious than accusing.

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Always be prepared."

"Oh, a Boy Scout. How sexy," I snorted.

Magnus ripped the lube open with his teeth and I swallowed hard. He spit the piece of plastic out and made a face. "Eww, it's cherry flavoured." He caught some on his middle finger and held it up to my mouth. "See? Taste it."

I frowned. "Why would I taste it? You said eww."

"I don't like cherries."

I sighed and licked his finger. It did taste like cherries. I was contemplating the weird texture, completely unaware that Magnus was putting it on his three middle fingers. He began kissing me again and I forgot all about cherry lube. He nudged my knees further apart and suddenly his hands were on my ass. I knew what was comming and squeezed my eyes shut, my breathing picking up.

It burned an incredible amount. Magnus kept his word and went slow, waiting until I was comfortable with one before adding another. For the first few minutes I was fighting off a whimper, knowing that if he knew how much it was hurting me he would stop. A few tears came to my eyes and I tried to wipe them away. Magnus beat me to it, brushing them into my skin with his thumb.

"It's okay," he murmured. "If you want me to stop, I'll stop."

I shook my head. "No, please. Don't."

The pain ebbed and Magnus began pumping, doing things I couldn't even describe. I was trying not to moan, but I couldn't help it. It was so strange and new. He was so strange and new. And then he hit something. I didn't even understand what was happening. My eyes went wide and I screamed into his shoulder. It felt so good. Magnus grinned wickedly at me and did it again. The same reaction. I scraped my fingernails down his back, my eyes shut tight, feeling him shiver.

"Magnus," I moaned breathlessly. "God... More..."

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. His fingers were gone. I whimpered, but there seemed to be no point. Seconds later he was taking off my boxers, and then his. I chanced a peek down and my eyes went wide. Jesus, that was not going to fit. I met his eyes again, my heart beating so hard I could feel it in my toes. Magnus put the lube on himself and I could feel him lining up.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

The pain was slow, almost torturously so. I gripped Magnus's neck so tight I thought I was going to choke him to death. His hands were on the back of my thighs, lifting me off of the matt. We were still for a few minutes, just staring at each other. I heard a loud click in the distance, followed by the jingle of keys, and knew immediately that Coach Fell had left. Magnus kissed my cheek and I bit my lip, knowing how stupid I probably looked. Face all red, eyes all misty, jaw clenched tight. Slowly, the pain receeded and all I felt was unbelievably full. I nodded and Magnus continued.

It was careful and easy at first, Magnus doing most of the work while I just whimpered and squirmed. The more he did it, the better it felt. The better it felt, the more I needed him. Magnus picked him his pace and I knotted my hands in his hair. Stray moans and a litany of his name seemed to fall out of my mouth and Magnus was eager to hear them. He held the small of my back and kept his hand under my knee, hitching it up around his hip. The moment he found that spot from before, I knew I was done for. Once Magnus had made me scream, he couldn't seem to stop. It must have been like music to his ears.

"God, Alec, you're so amazing," Magnus kept whispering in between pants. "I love you so much. I love you so, so fucking much." His arms were getting shaky and his thrusts uneven. His hand was suddenly on my cock, pumping furiously. The friction was all I needed to get there and I tried to let him know. I tried to tell him what was happening, but all I could do was choke and pant and scramble to meet his thrusts. I had to hold it off. I had to keep it in until the last moment. I turned my face and stared at the chipped foam Nerf balls, my mouth slack and my eyes all scrunched up. For a second I tried to take myself completely out of the sex. I tried to imagine that my English teacher was spying on us from the corner, touching her old lady boobs. It didn't lessen the feeling of him on top of and inside me, and so I turned back to look at his face. His eyes were half closed and he was biting his lip. It was then that Magnus met his mouth with mine and did all of the usual tricks. The biting and sucking and pulling and dominating, only it was so much more with the moans rumbling through his chest. And then he pulled away, his eyes wide. "Shit, shit, fuck - no. God, Alec, I'm gonna - fuck."

I was already so close. Hearing him say that, seeing him reach the edge, it was all I could do to hold in my orgasm within an inch of his. We both exploded. I screamed. Magnus's mouth opened and his eyes rolled back and if I could have cum twice in the same instant, seeing his orgasm face would have done it for me. We both rode it out, and then collapsed. Magnus pulled out slow, still shaking, and rolled over onto the side without the lube and the condom wrapper. He was breathing like a marathon runner, his chest covered in a sheen of sweat.

We both lay there, sticky and sweaty and tired. Holding hands.

And then Magnus rolled over so that he could look at me, propped himself up on his elbow, and started tracing patterns on my chest. "How was it?" he asked.

"Everything." That was all I could think.

Fifteen minutes later, Magnus and I were dressed, albeit still sticky and sweaty, leaving the dark and empty school. Magnus was snapping a piece of gum, which he explained was a substitute for his love/hate relationship with cigarettes. We stepped out into the cool night air and it felt glorious. "Where do you want to go?" he asked.

I thought about it for a second and then took his hand. "Come over to my house," I said. "There are some people I want you to meet."

**the last chapter was a flashback**


	12. Soapy

**Soapy**

No one was home, which I had been expecting. No, not expecting; anticipating. There was a note on the fridge telling me to get take out, even though there was plenty of food in the cupboards. Magnus was looking at everything with big, nervous eyes. It was true that we had a huge house filled with expensive crap, but that didn't make me worth more than anyone else.

"You... you _live_ here?"

"Actually I live in a washing machine box out back. They don't mind me taking food, though."

Magnus didn't laugh. "Wow," was all he said.

"Want some juice?" I asked. "We have the red kind."

"I like the red kind."

"Red kind it is."

Magnus followed me back through the big, empty foyer and up the stairs. It felt a little bit like giving a tour for MTV Cribs (which was an offer my dad declined over and over again), only I was trying to not show off. In fact, I only realized how bad I was trying to hide the wealth when I told Magnus my mom's original Picasso was an overpriced piece of junk. By the time we got to my room he was completely silent. I occupied the attic of our goliath Victorian home. Magnus seemed to expect nothing less than what it was; flat screen, huge bathroom, big squishy bed, and stacks of comic books and novels.

He sat down on the edge of my bed and took a timid sip of his juice, looking like he was terrified of touching anything. I opened the sky light windows so I could see the glow of Broadway and stood by the door to the bathroom.

"I really need a shower," I said shyly.

Magnus took another sip of his juice. "Go ahead. I'll just... look at everything."

My cheeks were hot. "Do you need a shower?"

He laughed, still not looking at me. "I most definitely need a shower." And then silence. Wow, he really wasn't getting it.

"So... how about we kill two birds with one stone?"

Magnus cocked an eyebrow at me. "Huh?"

I sighed and turned into the bathroom. "Just get in the shower," I said.

"OH!" Magnus caught on and I heard the glass slam down on my bedside table. His steps were almost clumsy and suddenly he was in the bathroom with me, grinning like an idiot. A shirtless, adorable, wonderful idiot. "Gotcha," he winked.

"Where did your clothes go?" I mumbled, trying to look behind him.

Magnus kissed me softly. His hands linked behind my neck and I got up onto my tiptoes to meet his lips. "Shh, no talking."

I could agree with that. Actually, I could do more than agree. I spun around so that Magnus was against the black countertop. My hands wrapped around his hips and he smirked against my lips. Then I picked him up. His eyes went wide and he held on tighter. I set him down on the counter, leaving me between his legs, and for once he was the one bending into the kiss to get more.

When we finally broke apart, he was gasping, his eyes glazed and happy. "Where have you been all my life?"

"Right here."

Our lips met again, only this time it was sweet and short. I stepped back, peeling off my shirt as I turned on the shower. I felt his hands running over my back. Fingers tracing the notches in my spine, the curve of my shoulder blades, the dimples in my lower back. I stood upright, a hand in the spray to test the heat. Magnus wasn't smiling. His face looked... occupied. He hitched his thumbs in my waistband and dragged me closer. His chest against mine was warm and smooth.

"We need to go on a date. A real date."

"Okay."

"But not right now."

"Nuh uh."

Magnus kissed my forehead. "Ready to get soapy, fanboy?"

"Uh huh!"

He undid the string on my pants again and I pulled his belt off. Our pants fell to the floor, followed by our underwear, and we got in the shower. I grabbed a facecloth before stepping into the spray. Magnus was squinting into the water, amazed at how big my tub was. I grabbed the body soap and, when he wasn't looking, squirted it up his back. Magnus yelped and swivelled around to glare at me. I smiled innocently and then we were kissing again, tugging on each other's damp hair, swallowing quiet, needy noises.

It was just getting heated when I heard it. Someone was pounding at my bedroom door with all of their might. My stomach froze and I pulled away from Magnus, wide eyed, terrified. But unsure. The level of fucked we were all depended on who was entreating entrance at my chamber door. I reached over and shut off the water, finger to my lips, and waited.

"ALEC!"

There was a creak and I was suddenly ultra aware of how naked and close I was to Magnus. I made a series of "SHH SHH SHH" noises at Magnus and hopped out of the shower, throwing a towel around my waist.

When I opened the bathroom door, Isabelle was sitting on my bed, looking beautiful and sweaty, fresh from a club. "What?" I asked, my voice cracking a little. There was no way this could go in my favour. Unless I snuck Magnus out of the house. But damn it, I had wanted him to meet my family!

Isabelle lifted an eyebrow. "Who else is in there?"

Damn. That was one slick bitch.

"No one. Just me. Why would you think anything else?"

She pointed at the glass on my nightstand. "Two half dranken glasses and no one else is in the bedroom." She made a face. "Unless I'm sitting on her."

Her. Oh, this was going to be a shock.

"I was really thirsty," I said, at which point Magnus, in an attempt to be quiet, sat down on the edge of the tub and knocked everything onto the floor. "Church!" I cried over my shoulder. Magnus was _laughing_.

What a... what a... what a fucking fuck!

"I'm telling mom!" Isabelle announced with a coy smile. "Unless you tell me who it is."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I felt a little faint. My stomach hurt and the world was shaking in front of my eyes. The door was forced open a little more behind me to make room for Magnus. Isabelle's mouth popped open and I slowly turned to glare at Magnus. He was beaded with water, his hair plastered to his face, a towel slung low on his hips.

"Hi," he said, "I'm Amanda - Alec's girlfriend. Come back in a few. We were busy."

And then he tugged me backwards and shut the door.

I tried. I tried so hard to be mad at him, but I just ended up laughing hysterically. Because as pissed off as I was, the shocked look on Isabelle's face was worth being pushed out of the closet a thousand times over.


	13. Out of You

**Out of You**

I ran out after Isabelle and stopped her from leaving my room. "Wait, Izzy, don't!"

She stared at me blankly, blinking like a deer caught in the headlights. "You were showering. With Magnus Bane. Naked."

Red crept up my cheeks. "I, uh..." There was nothing I could say to that. The whole thing didn't seem so funny anymore. "We're kind of... uh..." Magnus was leaning against the frame of my bathroom door, looking like he hung around in towels all the time, waiting for me to spit it out. "Dating."

"Only without the kind of," Magnus pipped in.

"Enough out of you," I snapped, but I was smiling.

The smile disappeared when I faced my sister again. She blinked a couple more times and then her face completely changed. Her arm pulled back and she slugged me a good one on the biceps. "Alec, you whore! You could have told me about this!"

"I'm not a whore!" I cried. Magnus snapped his gum and I could feel his smirk. "Enough out of you!"

Isabelle shook her head. "I tell you _everything_ and you don't trust me enough to tell me about this?" She jestured wildly with her hands.

I frowned. "I'm sorry for not informing you on my homosexuality, but in my defense it never came up."

Her mouth opened, then closed. "I'm still mad at you."

"Come on now, Isabelle. Don't be jealous that there's no sexy naked man in your shower," laughed Magnus.

"Enough out of you!" we said in never-to-be-repeated tandem.

Isabelle turned on her heel and stormed towards the door. "You know what? This is none of my business. And you have soap in your hair."

Indeed I did. Isabelle disappeared down the stairs and I heard the door shut at the bottom. Magnus sighed and my shoulders drooped. It was like I'd aged ten years in fifteen minutes. I finally faced Magnus, gave him an exasperated look, and then trudged forward to the bathroom. He stayed in the doorway, looking guilty, and watched me turned the shower on.

"Sorry about your sister," he said sheepishly. "I find being rude in uncomfortable situations calming."

I gave him the ghost of a smile. "Don't worry about her. She's angry, but she feels like she's in on a big secret now. Isabelle loves keeping my secrets."

Magnus came a bit closer, but not too close. "Secrets like what?"

I shrugged. "Secretive secrets."

"Ones you can't tell me?"

"Ones that I can't even tell myself."

That piqued his interest way more than it needed too. Magnus flopped the seat of the toilet down and sat on it. "Tell me one."

My neck felt hot. "Only if we finish showering," I said.

His eyes lit up and he scrambled off of the toilet, reminding me of Scooby Doo running away from bad guys. "Get thee gone, wholesome towel!" he cried. "Letteth me gaze upon the awesome nudity of my-eth boyfriend!"

"Letteth?" I laughed, because it sounded like 'lettuce' with a lisp. And then it dawned on me. "We're boyfriends?"

Magnus shrugged, suddenly all shy and embarrased. "I don't know. If you want to be."

I interlaced my fingers with his. "I want to be... I just thought you had to go on an actual date first."

Magnus snorted, rolled his eyes, and grabbed me around the waist.

And we were tangled limbs again, falling into the shower, grabbing hair and grinding and sighing and laughing like we'd been having sex for years. I wanted to know everything about his body and he seemed to feel the same way. Though we didn't go the full monty. More like a half monty with a lot of Old Spice body wash and an impromtu fight with a detachable spray nozzle.

We finally got out, dried off, and, reluctantly, got back into our clothes. Magnus slammed down onto my bed, looking so much like a sleepy cat that I almost scratched his belly. "Today has been the longest day," he said.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, ruffling water out of my hair. "I know what you mean..."

"I should probably get home," he frowned reluctantly. "Uncle Jerry's going to start wondering where I've gone."

The thought of him leaving seemed so completely preposturous that I laughed. "Tell him you're staying over at a friend's."

Magnus sat up on his elbows, smiling that sly smile of his. "Do you have a phone I could use? Mine doesn't send out calls anymore."

I rustled around in my gym bag until I pulled out my iPhone. Magnus wasn't even surprised. He punched in a number and then sat back, patient. "Hey, Uncle Jay?... Yeah, sorry, I couldn't get to a phone... No, I'm okay. I was just hanging out with Alec... Yeah..." He winked at me and snapped his gum. "A couple weeks... Yes, for real... You'll like him. He's kind of geeky..." Wait, geeky? I opened my mouth and Magnus sighed, rolling his eyes. "Of course we used condoms. I'm not _stupid_."

I yelped and made a grab for the phone. "MAGNUS!"

He laughed and rolled out of the way. "SorryUncleJayhe'sabitofaprudeIhavetogobye!"

I wrestled my phone away from him, my face red. He grabbed me behind the knees and I made a loud, disgruntled noise before collapsing on top of him, hands on his chest, straddling him. Magnus smiled sweetly up at me, as if he'd done nothing wrong. With every word, I shook my phone at his face. "Enough. Out. Of. You." I stood up, brushing non-existent dirt off of my butt.

Magnus got up after me and joined me back on the bed. "So..." he said. "A night, alone, just the two of us." His tongue flicked out and wet his bottom lip. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think I am."

"Sheet fort?"

"You read my mind."


	14. The Fort

**Bonus Crack Story: The Fort**

Isabelle realized she'd left her clutch on Alec's nightstand, and though she didn't want to go back up into his lair, lest she see any canoodling, it was unavoidable. Her ohone was in that clutch. She needed that phone.

Alec was gay. It made an insane amount of sense, really. The way he followed Magnus around, the panicked look in his eyes when he went to prom with Mandy Pantanken, the periodic shouts of, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR DECISION MAKING, YOU DUMB WHORE? TAKE DAMON! HE'S SEXY AS FUCK!" every once in a while... She was warming to the fact that Alec was gay. It meant that there would be no girls hanging off of him. Isabelle wasn't fond of other girls.

When Isabelle opened the door to Alec's bedroom, she didn't know what she would hear. Maybe intense panting and moaning and springs going CREAK CREAK CREAK. She could only imagine what would follow a tandem shower.

"I don't get it. So he's Poseidon?"

Alec made an irritated noise. "No, he's Poseidon's son. A demigod."

"Who names their kid _Percy_?" asked Magnus. "Eww."

Isabelle frowned. Well, that wasn't very passionate. She continued up the stairs, not thinking anything of it, and stopped dead at the top. Her eyes went wide and she opened her mouth just to close it again. "What are you doing?" she finally asked.

Alec and Magnus had weighed down a sheet over the dresser and Alec's bed and were sitting under it with his little star-printed lamp shining over a stack of books and comics. They stared back at her as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

"We're reading," said Alec.

"You can come join us, but you have to know the password," Magnus added, no hint of a joke.

Isabelle looked over the fort. The only way to get to her clutch was through. "I need my clutch," she said, pointing. "Hand it over."

Alec shook his head. "Sorry. It's in The Fort."

She sighed. "Okay, joke's over, give it."

Magnus and Alec stared at each other. "Should we give it to her?" asked Alec.

Magnus stroked his chin. "It's in the jurisdiction of The Fort. She needs the password."

Isabelle had been the victim of this game too many times in her life. She abruptly dropped down onto all fours and announced, "I'M A DRAGON AND I'M ATTACKING THE FORT!" at which point Magnus and Alec both shouted profanities and hid under the bed. Isabelle crawled on through, making sure to knock over their stacks of books. She took her clutch, roared in victory, and then crawled out.

Two pairs of eyes peeped out at her as she swaggered down the stairs, clutch in hand.

"That's one slick bitch," said Magnus.

Alec made a noise of agreement. "Don't I know it."


	15. Honeymoon Down

**Honeymoon Down**

The floaty, glowy, happy state of being in the first honest relationship in my life lasted for about two weeks. In that time my life revolved around stolen kisses and hidden notes and the general feeling of carrying around a wonderful, unbelievable secret. But I completely forgot that nothing lasts forever. It was a stupid thing to think, really. Sometimes Magnus just made me feel so happy and right that I thought it could last forever.

It didn't.

The whole thing didn't happen at once. It started with a lot of sighs. Magnus would sigh when I wouldn't take his hand and sigh when I wouldn't return his flirty glances and sigh when I wouldn't kiss him goodbye. He would sigh when I'd make up excuses to not meet his uncle and sigh when I would shrug his arm off on our dates. Sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh. That boy emitted more carbon dioxide than I could bear.

But that wasn't what our second major fight was about. It wasn't about me getting nervous about being seen in public with him. It wasn't about me not meeting his family. It wasn't even about me paying for his upcoming trip to Chicago, though god forbid he shut up about it.

It was a combination of all of those things stacking up over our heads, and then topped off with my refusal to come out of the closet.

We were in my room when it happened. Magnus had already met my parents and Max thought he was magical, and for some reason I thought that was enough. Magnus didn't. He threw a book at me, which I caught, and then a shoe, which I didn't. There was no crying or passionate love making when the fighting ended. I called him a dick and he flipped me off, then left my room without a word. If anyone heard anything, no one came upstairs to ask about it.

Honeymoon days were over, it seemed. I knew what I had to do to make him hate me less, but every time I thought of it my stomach churned and my heart sped up. It wasn't that I didn't want to come out. It was quite the opposite, actually. I wanted to come out more than anything else in the world. But I was scared. Knee knocking, vomit enducing terror slapped me in waves whenever I even considered standing up with the intention of telling my parents I was worst part was knowing that coming out to my family wasn't even the end of it. There were tabloids and grandparents and business partners, all thinking about Robert Lightwood's gay son. No, not his lazy nerd son - his _gay_ son.

"Izzy," I said, knocking on her door. She wasn't mad at me anymore. In fact, she seemed smug as a stuffed cat knowing that she'd figured out my dating life without me saying a word.

"Enter," she said. Her toes were all spread apart with a purple foam torture device and she was painting the nails deep blue. "What do you want?"

I shut the door behind me and leaned against the door, not sure how to say what I wanted to say. "I don't know how to come out to mom and dad," I said. Then, as an afterthought, "Oh, and Jace."

She looked up at me, eyes thoughtful. "I don't know," she said. "I've never had to come out to anyone. Maybe Magnus would know?"

I sat down on her hard green plastic roller chair. Her room was basically a Damask palace of colour that always smelled like peaches. It weirded me out. "It never really had to come out, though. Everyone just knew."

Isabelle snorted. "So you're saying no one would even consider for a moment that you're gay?" She laughed again, shaking her head at me. "Oh, Alec. You crack me up with your words."

"Hey!" I cried indignantly. "I don't act gay."

"Gay isn't an act. It's a sexuality. And with it come tells." She stopped her brushing and blew on her toes. I frowned at her. "For one, you check other guys out."

"NO I DON'T!" I nearly screamed.

Isabelle just smiled. "Hey, relax. You probably don't even know your doing it. I only started picking it up when I found out." She span the top of the bottle closed and then rested her chin on her knees. "Alec, mom and dad love you. Just say it. Everything will be fine."

I looked down at my socks. "I'm... scared."

Her bed creaked and suddenly Isabelle was giving me one of her sparse, wonderful sisterly hugs. I leaned into her, enjoying one of those rare moments when Isabelle wasn't trying to cover up her compassion with cynicism. "It's okay, I'll go with you," she said. "You don't have to do it alone."

I felt like I was going to have one of those emotional moments, so I quickly pulled away, dragging a tear off of my face as I did so. Isabelle saw it and her own eyes started to water.

"Jesus, Alec, you made my eyeliner smudge!" she cried, the warmth slowly fading.

I ignored her. "Thanks Izzy," I said, "but I think I can do this on my own." I took a deep breath and stood up. "I'll come back and tell you how it went, okay?"

"You better," she said.

The door shut behind me with finality and for a moment I wanted to do nothing more than run up and hide in my attic. But I needed to do this sooner or later and the sooner the better. For Magnus, for me, for everyone. A life without lying was the kind of life I wanted. The kind I needed. And that was what spurred me all the way to my mom and dad's room. Before panic could set in, I reminded myself that I'd done nothing wrong. They couldn't get me into trouble. I was trying to do a good thing. An honest thing. The right thing.

My mom was rearranging her make up cupboard, muttering about the maids purposely trying to annoy her. When she saw me in the mirror she jumped and put her hand over her heart, then laughed. "Alec!" she said. "I thought you were a ghost!" The person looking back at me in the mirror was as white as a ghost. My mom turned and put her hand on my forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"

I opened my mouth and, "Can I talk to you about something?" just sort of poured out.

She looked scared for a moment and then nodded. "Sure. Do you want to sit down? You look a little sick."

I nodded because my claves were starting to shake. God, it was actually happening. Everything seemed so surreal, and yet at the same time too vivid to not be real life. My mom let me sit on her bed and she plopped down on the crushed velvet settee beside it. "I... uh..."

Mom smiled, but her eyes were full of concern. "It's okay, Alec. Take your time."

I closed my eyes and tilted my head down. "Mom, I'm gay."

Silence.

And then my mom laughed. "Oh! Oh, okay!" She made a 'phewf!' noise and then laughed again. "Honey, I thought you were in here to tell me you got someone pregnant or something." And then she laughed again.

The shock sort of blew my mind. I blinked at her a few times. "Uh... so you're okay with... with me being gay?"

"I'd be okay if you told me you were a crossdressing, cocaine dealing axe-murderer," she said, moving to sit on the bed with me. Her arm wrapped around my shoulders and I took a big, shuddering breath. "Your my baby Alec. Nothing changes the way I feel about you."

It felt like half of a ten thousand pound weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. "That's only half of it," I said. "Um... Magnus is sort of my boyfriend."

She ran her hand through my hair. My mom was like a jungle cat - dough to her kids and the bar setter of 'not to be fucked with' with everyone else. "I sort of figured," she said softly. "The way he looks at you... You know."

I suddenly felt awkward. Was Magnus giving me the sex eyes in front of my parents? What was wrong with that boy?

"I should... go tell dad, I guess."

Mom brushed my hair behind my ears. It was getting way too long for me to handle. "Want me to come with you?"

I shook my head. "No, I think I can handle it."

She gave me a big, squishy hug and for the first time it was without that raw ache of regret in the pit of my heart - the one that said, "You're own mother doesn't know you."

The walk to the den was ten times longer than it should have been. My head was half in the clouds, the weight half gone, but then I realized I'd saved the toughest for last and I immediately wished my mom was with me. My dad was sitting in his Lazy Boy, drinking a beer, watching the game. He was on the edge of his seat and looked completely into it, but when I came into the room he stopped what he was doing, sat me down, and started explaining things about the game to me. I felt really bad for what I was about to do. Ruin the bonding.

Commercials came on and I said, "Dad, I have to talk to you about something?"

He muted the TV and gave me his full attention. "What's the 411?" I blinked at him. "No? I thought I'd give it a try. What's on your mind?"

"I'm gay."

He lifted his eyebrows a little bit, like I'd told him a mildly interesting fact. "Really?" he said, without pause. "Are you seeing anyone? Because Hector Mackey has a gay son too and he's always trying to set him up with people."

I was once again stunned into silence. "I... uh, I have a boyfriend, dad."

"Magnus?" I nodded. "Oh, okay, he's pretty nice. I don't know about the piercings though."

"I like the piercings..."

"Meh." He turned back to the TV. "Back on. Let's see if that prick on third's going to stick his foot out again."

"Dad... You're seriously okay with me being gay?"

He shrugged. "If I told you to stop being gay right now, would you?"

"No."

"Then why bother?"

I couldn't help but grin. My dad was pure logic. How else would this conversation gone down?

"Have you had sex with Magnus? Because if you have, you should be sure to wear con - "

"DAD!"

He lifted his hands, eyes still fixed on the TV. "Fine then. Don't. I hope your boyfriend gets pregnant."

"It doesn't work like that, Dad." I stood up.

"Where are you going?"

I swallowed thickly. "I have to go talk to Jace."

"Wait, before you go, could you get me some chips?"

"Dad... The kitchen is twenty feet away."

"All the shorter a trip for you."

I sighed. There really was no beating my father's logic.

**i didnt feel like making this dramatic because mlehearrg. it was occ but a lot of it was taken from when i came out to my parents, so it's all the more realistic. then again i live with a bunch of dirty hippies, sooooo...**


	16. Story of a Friend

**Story of a Friend**

Two down, one to go. I felt like someone had hacked shackles off of me and I was running out into the sun for the first time. My family knew. I wouldn't have to hide Magnus from them. They were completely fine with it. No drama. No crying or yelling or getting kicked out. I wasn't forced into a gay youth hostel. I wasn't shunned by my father.

Things were really looking up.

I knocked on Jace's door once and then just walked in. He was tapping away at his laptop, books and notes spread out on the bed around him. He looked up at me and lifted an eyebrow. "What can I do you for?" he asked in monotone.

I leaned against the door. "I wanted to, uh, tell you something."

"What?"

"I'm gay."

"I know." The silence that ensued was epic in its awkwardness. Jace stared at me with his eyebrow arched, like I'd stated something ridiculously obvious. "Anything else you need, or...?"

"When did you figure it out?" I blurted.

Jace just laughed. "Oh, my brother, you are too much." He pulled his books out of the way and patted his bed. "Come, sit down, and let me tell you a tale of a boy and a smile." Confused and shocked, I sat down on Jace's bed and crossed my legs, hoping that I didn't look too embarrassed. "Okay, so the boy in my story, who we'll call Alex - "

"That isn't even trying to not make it me," I interjected. "My name is Alex too."

"Shhhhh," Jace hissed with a serene look on his face. "No talking, I'm storytelling. Anyways, Alex was always a normal kid. He liked to play normal kid games with his adopted brother, like piggyback riding and wrestling and Batman and Robin, and his adopted brother would always play with him, even though he was a complete jerk and never let me play Batman. Why did I always have to be Robin? Robin sucks."

"Because I'm older and my hair is darker. Batman can't be blonde."

"You know what? Batman can be whoever Batman wants. He's fucking Batman."

I considered that for a moment. "Okay, I see your point. Continue."

"Okay, third person effort failed. Anyways, we always played together, but when girls and dating and stuff like that started getting closer, you started pulling away from me." Jace gave me a sad little smile and I suddenly knew where the story was going. "Then one day I tried to fix it. You remember? I was twelve, you were fourteen. We were in Walgreens on vacation and I tackled you and you had a panic attack."

"Yeah, I remember," I said, blushing. "But that wasn't what you think."

Jace lifted an eyebrow. "It took me a long time to remember exactly what happened. Almost two weeks, in fact. But then I remembered what you were doing when I jumped on you." My face was starting to feel hot. I wanted to look away from him, but Jace had this thing about eye contact and I couldn't break it. "You were flirting with the DVD guy, weren't you?"

"Yes," I said through gritted teeth. "One of the most mortifying moments of my entire life, thank you very much."

"I apologize for my cockblocking."

"Jace!" I nearly screamed, but I had to admit that the whole situation was funny - in a stupid way. God, he'd known since way back then. "It wasn't like that. I just... I... I was failing miserably at flirting and I was praying for something to just suck me up and make the whole thing go away. And then you _landed_ on me."

"Oh." Jace had a momentary burst of giggling and then brought back the serious face. "Alec, you... I feel like..." He stared at his computer screen so he wouldn't have to look me in the eye when he talked about his feelings. "You started pulling away from me. At school you hardly ever hang out with me. At home you're always locked up in your room... I've been waiting for you to say something so I could tell you that... that I don't care about your sexuality. I just want to be your best friend again."

My heart gave a hard, guilty squeeze. Years of blowing off Jace because I assumed he would have more fun without me came pouring down, topped with the cherry that the bastard had waited for me to come out to tell me that he wanted me back. Sometimes I just... I couldn't... God, there were no words. I wanted to hit him and hug him at the same time. So I did just that. I punched his arm as hard as I could and then tackled him with a hug that came no where close to manly. I didn't care though. He was my brother and be damned if I wasn't going to show him I loved him.

"Thank you," I said, my voice harsh with stupid emotion. "We can do stuff, okay? Movies and stuff like that. Just the two of us."

"Okay, loverboy," Jace snorted, but I could tell he was feeling it too. "I have an essay to finish. You're welcome to help. Or do it for me."

"Sure, I'll help," I said quickly.

He slid me the rubric and I crossed my legs, preparing to tear apart his work and criticize everything - a side effect of being raised to be an intellectual. Jace forked over a red pen as I went to town on his rough copy, letting me get halfway through before saying, "So are you and Magnus...?"

"Hmm?" I murmured, barely looking up. Jace lifted an eyebrow at me. "Oh! Oh, yeah. Yeah we are."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." It was my turn to left an eyebrow. "Why? What's wrong with Magnus?"

Jace shrugged, but he looked too casual. That was a sure sign that he was thinking too hard about something. "Nothing, nothing. He's just... very loud."

I snorted, continuing my editing. "Agreed." We lapsed into silence, Jace typing up my red marked pages.

"So you've had sex with him, right?"

"Oh my God why." I dropped the pen and covered my face with my hands. "You and Dad - it's like you're both in a league that's out to get me."

"The League of Alec's Sexual Activity," he replied coolly, nodding. "Yeah, we meet every Tuesday. So you have then?"

I refused to say anything for a couple of minutes. My neck was as red as the little heart tattoo on Isabelle's hip that I was never supposed to talk about. But this was Jace I was talking to. He didn't judge and he refused to accept embarrassment as an actuality. "I... uh... Yeah."

"Pardon?" he asked sweetly.

The lump in my throat just wouldn't go away. I talked through it. "Yes, I... we... Sex was had."

"Whoa-ho-ho! Alec! You dog you!"

"Shut up!"

Jace laughed at my face and then looked back at his computer screen. "I haven't."

He said it so calmly that I didn't get what he meant at first. When it dawned on me my eyes went wide. "Really?" He shrugged. "What about all of your girlfriends?"

"Oh come on, I'm not a manwhore," he said with a roll of his eyes. "And I've come close to it a lot of times. It just... never happens."

"But Clary - "

"It just never happens," he repeated, a little louder. "I don't know how to... you know, ask her to keep going." He seemed to swallow a bit of his pride. "So... how do you?"

I actually managed to laugh. Even though it was completely awkward, the thought of Jace asking me for sex advice was so absurd I couldn't help but find it funny. "You really want to know?"

"Yes. Please."

We both weren't looking at each other. My mouth quirked up at the corner. "Ask nicely."

Jace sounded skeptical. "Really? That's what you did?" Then something occured to him. "Wait, did you have sex with him when I was in the house? Oh God. _Unclean_."

I turned red and smacked him with his notebook fairly hard. "No, not here you failure... technically."

"Ignoring the technically. Then where? At his house? In an alleyway? Alec, you dirty boy!"

Even though it was making me feel super uncomfortable, I realised that I missed Jace teasing me like this. You don't really notice something's missing until it comes back. "Actually no," I said, feeling bold - resolute. "It was at school. Twice. In a bathroom and in that room where they keep the grade nine gym stuff. "

Jace blinked at me, mouth hanging open, and then he began laughing so hard I thought his eyes were going to pop out from the pressure. "Alec, Alec, Alec," he finally managed. "You're badassness is seriously unappreciated."

I smiled and then started laughing with him.

God, I missed having my best friend.


	17. Sad Spaghetti

**Sad Spaghetti  
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"You look fine."

"My hair is being stupid."

Magnus made a show of licking the palm of his hand and rubbing it through my hair. I made a distressed noise and jumped backwards, almost falling off the narrow stoop of his Brooklyn rowhouse. The neighbourhood was nice, fairly middle class and normal. There were flowers in the garden and an air conditioner sticking out of the window, dead silent. The bricks were burnt red, but the curtains in the windows were yellow.

What else could I expect from Magnus's house?

"Can we go inside yet?" he asked, impatient.

I bit my lip. "Okay, yeah. I think I'm good."

He shook his head, but he was smiling. "You're ridiculous."

"In an endearing way?" I asked hopefully.

"We'll see." Before I could ask what the hell he meant by that, he opened the door and the smell of homemade pasta sauce and ginger made me smile. "Welcome to my palatial estate," Magnus said, sweeping his arms his sides. "Marvel in it!"

And marvel I did. I could see a dining room, a living room, and an office all from the front door and all of it was cramped, colourful, and cozy. There were so many pictures hung up on the walls that I could hardly believe that all of those people had even existed. All of the furniture in the living room was overstuffed, leather, and well worn with a big red and purple blanket thrown over the back. Magnus's backpack was gaping open against the couch, its contents spread out over the glass coffee table. He was allowed to do his homework in front of a TV, the lucky bastard.

When I took it all in, I turned back to Magnus, who looked uncertain. "Your house is awesome," I finally said. "You have no idea."

Magnus actually went a little red. "Want the grand tour?"

"Yes please."

He took me through the living room and then over to the office, which was boring except for the framed picture of an eight year old Magnus looking miserable on a beach, then on a dock, then in an airport, then in front of his house. According to him he wasn't miserable in the least. He just used to have a policy about smiling for pictures. We moved on to the dining room, with its little oval table, the wood old and worn unlike the new hardwood under our feet. It was mostly cleared off except for a bunch of mail. Magnus snatched one of the letters with his name on it and shoved it down the front of his pants so I wouldn't try to get it.

A tussle ensued. It was a bank statement. Magnus had sixty-three dollars and fourteen cents. So interesting.

Then he took me down a little hallway, past a bathroom, to the kitchen. That was when I met his Uncle Jerry.

"Uncle Jay," Magnus said, "this is Alec."

Uncle Jay turned away from a bubbling pot of spaghetti. He wasn't that old and sort of reminded me of Simon Pegg. He gave me a big smile. "Hey there Alec," he said. "Do you like spaghetti?"

"I love spaghetti."

"Then I'm your new best friend because I made way too much. Are you opposed to taking some home?"

I grinned. "Not at all."

"Alec, Alec, Alec," repeated Uncle Jay, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter. There were little bits and pieces of him that looked like Magnus, his eyes and his hands being the main ones. "Alec Lightwood. That's Lightwood Industries, right?"

"Yes, my parents run it," I said, instantly awkward.

"Are you into all that?"

I knew what he meant by "all that". Being rich, in control, powerful. "Not really," I admitted. "I sort of try to stay away from it, actually."

That seemed to be the right answer. "This'll be ready in twenty. Mags, how about you go show him upstairs?"

Magnus hooked his thumb around my belt and tugged. "Come along, sex slave."

"MAGNUS!" I cried, mortified. As much as I loved him, Magnus had a knack for making me wish I was dead.

His uncle laughed and I pouted as he pulled me upstairs. The tour lasted about half a second. "This is the bathroom, that's where I shower, this is where we keep bedsheets. This is where Uncle Jay sleeps. This is my lair."

Magnus's lair was filled with bodies. Not real ones, just pictures of them. A thousand women and men were tacked to the walls of his rooms. They were all models - you couldn't help but see the clothes instead of the peoples within them. Magnus's bed was a cushy looking futon with a bright yellow knit blanket on top. His clothes weren't in piles like mine, but strewn out all over everything like he double checked them before and after he put them on. There was a computer sitting in the corner, surrounded by empty Pepsi cans. It looked sort of old, but Magnus probably didn't care.

Before I could look at anything else, Magnus grabbed my belt loops and gave me another tug so that we were kissing. Part of me was hyper aware of Uncle Jay downstairs and the fact that we were in his room. As someone who spent most of their life sitting on their bed, I respected the rooms of others. His hands slid over my chest and he held my face in his hands, my ears between his forefingers and thumbs. My hands hooked around his hips and dragged him closer. Magnus maneuvered me onto his futon and we laid side by side, kissing in that sweet, lazy way that made fire crawl over my skin.

Suddenly I pushed him with as much force as I could and hid my face.

"Wha - "

About a thousand sneezes happened all at once. My eyes were immediately running and my skin really was on fire - a rash. "You have," sneeze, "a cat!"

"So do you?" I could hear the question mark at the end.

Sneeze, "Church is," sneeze-sneeze-sneeze, "dander-less."

I sat up and made a grab for a box of Kleenex on the bedside table. Magnus was laughing and concerned at the same time, neither of them helping remove the cat from my nasal passage. Said cat rocketed out from under the bed. It looked like a little white puff of evil.

"Come on," Magnus said, helping me up. "Let's get you some water." He grabbed a washcloth out of the cupboard and wet it so I could put it over my eyes. "Here," Magnus murmured, twisting it diagonally so that he could tie it around my eyes.

"Wait, Magnus, I can't see."

I could almost feel him smile. "I know. Just trust me." His hand took mine and he led me down the hallway. Our steps were slow and careful. I couldn't help but laugh. Suddenly he stopped and I could almost feel the stairs in front of me. His fingertips ran over my bottom lip and I shivered. "That fact that you exist is incredible," he said softly. Before I could ask what he meant by that, he pressed his lips against mine. The feeling was ten times heightened without seeing. I couldn't guess what he was going to do next. His lips left and his hands took my elbows. "Down the stairs we go."

"If I trip and die I'm haunting you."

"If you trip and die, you better not leave me."

I snorted. "Touching, but creepy."

"It's part of the charm."

Magnus helped me all the way into the dinning room and guided me into a chair. When he went to look for NyQuill (because despite my protests he believed that allergies could be cured by NyQuill) and I pulled off the blindfold. My eyes felt better, even though my nose was clogged. Of course he would have a cat. And of course I would have a super inconvenient allergy attack.

"Hey Magnus?"

His head popped out of the kitchen. "Yes, my dearest?"

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help the butterflies in my stomach. "If I'm allergic to your cat, why am I not allergic to you?"

He narrowed his eyes. "My clothing deflects cat hair."

"In other words," his uncle said, coming out of the bathroom, "he goes over himself with a lint brush at least five times a day."

Magnus made a sudden dive for the floor and swiped his cat up into his arms. "I love you, but you're a little fur ball. Yes you are! Who's a little fur ball? Chairman Meow!"

"Your cat's name is Chairman Meow," I stated.

Magnus made a face at me. "Jealousy will get you no where."

As his uncle passed, he slapped Magnus in the shoulder with his magazine and said, "Cat away from food."

I don't know why, but at that moment I couldn't speak. I loved my family more than anything else, but what I was watching was something... different. We were the Lightwood's Divided. As soon as we got home we went off to different corners of the house with our TV's and laptops and phones and friends and work. Half of my life was spent in my bedroom, devouring whole seasons of TV shows. We could go days without seeing each other and that was normal. That was the life of socialites and CEO's. Magnus and his uncle spent a lot of time together. You could feel it in the air. In the way they were like friends.

I looked down at my empty plate, my stomach feeling hollow. What was wrong with me? Why was I getting jealous over that, of all things? My family loved me. I loved them. But I guess you don't really notice that something is missing until you see someone else has it.

Magnus tapped my shoulder. He had a bottle of Gravol, which definitely wasn't going to help my allergies. "Are you okay? You look... sad."

"I'm fine," I said, trying to believe it. "It's nothing."

"Liar," he hissed.

"So sue me."

And then Uncle Jay brought in a big pot of spaghetti and it was forgotten.

**thanks to theonewhoneversleeps for not bringing up the fact that i havent updated in forever and to the two tumblr people i talked to. yes, i was being serious, i really do write this. **


	18. Leaving

**Leaving**

"So this is it?" I asked. "You have everything?"

Magnus smiled with laughter in his eyes. "Yes."

"The sandwich I made you?"

"I have the sandwich, Sandwich Boy."

"Okay. Well..." I mumbled, looking away, "have fun."

The lobby of our school was filled with kids getting ready to leave for the big trip to Chicago. The whole room was buzzing excitedly, but it still felt like most of them were staring at me. Maybe they were wondering why I was standing so close to Magnus Bane - or why I'd shown up at school at six in the morning. Even though our families knew, the two of us weren't officially out as a couple. That was partly because of the tabloids, mostly because we felt it was no one's business.

Magnus had a dirty knapsack slung over his shoulder. He was looking down at me like some sort of beautiful giant. I wanted to kiss him before he left, but we'd already done that in the taxi on the way to the school. I wanted to see him off because he would be gone for a whole week. I knew that that was really nothing, but it felt like ten years. And to tell you the truth, I was a little nervous about having my first boyfriend going off alone with a bunch of painfully gay fashion students who would be twenty times easier to date than me.

Magnus's teacher called everyone to get into lines to be counted and I frowned, my stomach flip flopping. His lips dipped down in the corners and I was certain he was going to lean in and kiss me. I flinched and he pulled away. Quietly, he took my hand and squeezed it tight once before walking backwards towards his class. He gave me a little wave with a smile and my stomach fluttered.

Suddenly, I got a million flashes of what I should have done. I should have fucked him. I should have given him giant, dark hickeys. I should have made him scream my name. Something - ANYTHING - to make him remember me while he was gone. It wasn't mistrust or jealousy or anything like that. It was the insane, irrational fear of being forgotten while he was away.

"Wait, Magnus," I said loudly.

I jogged forward and he turned around. Without thinking, I brought my lips up to his and kissed him. It was quick and hot and wet. I grabbed his hair in my fists and he bunched his fingers up in my coat. We pulled away before any of the guardians could yell at us and I grinned at him. People were staring and gossiping, but I didn't care. That was the point. They were going to know that he was mine.

Magnus laughed at whatever angry gay warrior face I was making and swatted at my butt. "See you in a week," he said.

I nodded, feeling like a bad ass, and stepped back from him with a smile. "I love you," I said without even the barest attempt at hushing my voice.

"I love you too."

And then he got into line and went out the front doors. I sat down on the stairs and watched him go.

One week. I could handle one week, right?

**XXX**

I couldn't handle one week.

"You look like a zombie," Isabelle noted while chomping away at her salad. "It's bumming me out."

Jace stole a carrot out of my baggie and I pushed it towards him. "You formed co-dependance with Magnus pretty quickly."

"No, he used to get like this when Magnus was sick, remember?" Isabelle was pretending I wasn't there. I didn't appreciate it. "It's sort of sad."

"I can handle a week without Magnus," I assured them. "I just feel sick today."

"You've been sick since he left. That was three days ago," Jace said with a superior little smile.

"Leave him alone," Clary sighed, but she didn't really care. Jace put his arm around her shoulders and she went back to chatting about some god awful book series with Simon. "The Shadowhunters don't have wings - they're just part angel."

"But angels have wings."

"They're not angels!"

I rested my head on my fist. "I just worry too much," I admitted. "I keep thinking he's going to get mugged or their plane is going to lose cabin pressure and he'll explode or something."

"That's all?" Isabelle asked suspiciously.

Oh, and I'm terrified that he'll figure out I suck while he's gone. "That's all."

"Then how about we go keep an eye on him?"

I made a face at her. "That sounds creepy."

She shook her head and pulled her wallet out of her bag. "Who's up for a vacation, courtesy of Lightwood Inc?"

"Isabelle!" I gasped.

Jace made a grab for the wallet and held it out of my reach. He flipped it open and pulled out Isabelle's emergency company credit card. I watched him shimmy out his own wallet and throw his card into the pile with a slick grin. My stomach was doing flip-flops. My own card was burning a hole in my pocket. The biggest thing I'd ever bought with it was a pizza.

"If it makes you feel better, I can call mom and ask. She won't care if we take a little break from school." Isabelle smirked because we all knew she was right. Mom and dad weren't exactly strict when it came to skipping. As long as we kept our grades up, it was perfectly fine to go on a spontaneous vacation. "Clary, Simon, you in?"

They dissolved into a tedious conversation about permission and money. I didn't really care. I was thinking of Magnus in that city without me. Would he think I was creepy if I showed up? But then I thought of a hotel room. Actual sheets and a mini-fridge with chocolate almonds. I thought of running a piece of ice down Magnus's chest and feeling his body arch into mine. We'd only had sex once. All of our dates after that were family oriented or in semi-public. I wanted him. I wanted him so, so bad. But I didn't want him to feel like it was only his body that made me stay with him.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. I thought of him smiling and laughing and crying and kicking me to get me to pay attention. I thought of the spaghetti in his kitchen and the way the sun hit his hair and how he looked at me when I did or said certain things, like I was something special. I thought of that night on the mats. His face. The hair stuck to his forehead. It was like I was there again, watching his mouth fall open and his eyes roll back. Feeling his whole body shudder and listening to that dry, cracked sound he made at the back of his throat.

_"Shit, shit, fuck - no. God, Alec, I'm gonna - fuck."_

"WE'RE GOING!" I shouted, face red. All of the tables around us went silent and my ears turned red. I cleared my throat and looked at the shocked faces of my own table. "I - uh. We're going. Whether you want to or not."_  
><em>


	19. Mile High

**Mile High  
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The plane for Chicago was already up in the air when Jace made me go to the bathroom with him.

"No Jace! Everyone will think..." I hushed my voice, looking around suspiciously. "Everyone will think we're having sex!"

He made an unbelievably disgusted face and swung a judgmental gaze over everyone in first class. "You're my brother! All of these people are sick!"

I rolled my eyes at him. Isabelle and Clary were asleep in the seats in front of us and Simon was watching the in-flight movie with a perplexed expression. Apparently he didn't find Vampires Suck to be all that funny. "Jace, we look nothing alike. They don't know we're related. I'm not getting in that stall with you."

Jace's face fell. "I really don't want to, but if you don't follow me into that bathroom, I'm going to start screaming about having explosive lava diarrhea and drag you in there in a very public and humiliating way."

"Jace - "

He groaned long and low, holding his stomach. No one heard him, but I knew there was more where that came from. When I put my hand over his mouth with a purely panicked expression, he smirked and stood up. I watched him waltz down the aisle to the bathroom and then turn back to give me a look when he got to the door. I sighed to myself and stood up. He was already in the stall when I got there. It was a tight fit, what with us being two fully grown guys. He flicked the door locked and I hit my head off of the lighting fixture. You think that a first class bathroom would be roomier.

"What?" I sighed.

Jace held up a finger and then began rustling around in his back pocket. "Okay, so this is it."

I waited for more, but he was too preoccupied jimmying whatever it was out of his pocket. "This is it? You wanted to show me this? This is a bathroom," I said blandly. "And it has a limited amount of oxygen."

Jace flicked his wrist and said, "AHA!" My eyes went wide and I choked on my spit. He had pulled out a monster roll of shiny foil packets - condoms. "Show me how to use one."

I choked harder and Jace put his hand over my mouth. "I can't - I won't - How - ." I looked down at my shoes. "WHY?"

"Well, they teach you in health class," Jace said nonchalantly, pulling off one of the condoms, "but I can't get it to stay on. I was practicing."

"And you decided to ask me _now_?" I sputtered.

He lifted an eyebrow. "You could escape me before."

My face was so red, but I couldn't move my fucking arms to hide it. Part of me wanted to laugh and the other part wanted to jump off the plane. "I - I don't know either," I admitted.

Jace was confused for a minute. "But I thought you said you - "

"I did," I cut him off, and then hardened my jaw.

It dawned on his face slowly. God. My brother knew I was a bottom. Well, that was unpleasant."Oh... Didn't that hurt?"

"Like a motherfucker," I admitted.

He grimaced. "Well, did you see Magnus put it on?"

"I had bigger things on my mind."

Jace heaved a sigh. Our chests touched. Damn, was I getting claustrophobic. "Wait, go get Simon. He might know."

I shook my head. "How does it keep falling off? Maybe we can figure this out." Which was codeword for 'Simon will kick your ass if he figures out you intend on having sex with his best friend'.

And then, of all things, Jace unzipped his pants and pulled out his junk. I immediately started laughing and had to force my arm up to cover my mouth. He scowled at me and ripped open the wrapper with his teeth. I averted my eyes as he slid it on. The whole situation was insane. It wasn't like I hadn't seen Jace naked before. He had a habit of having absolutely no shame. But... God, he just didn't have a limit.

"See, I do this," he said. "But it slides."

"Maybe you're dick is too small," I snorted, and then I couldn't stop the awkward, nervous giggling. Jace punched me. "Oh my God, put that thing away."

"Do you want me to be a teenage father?" he asked seriously.

I shook my head and took the wrapper. "First, you don't rip it with your teeth. You could put a hole in it. Second, you need to... you know... be in the mood." I broke off awkwardly, remembering back to health class. Coach Fell had done the whole lesson with his eyes closed.

"Have a boner?"

My ears went red and I looked at the little sign on the back of the door. "Uh yeah." I took a new one and showed him how to pinch the air out of the tip. "And you roll it on. It's not a sock - it's a condom."

"A love glove." Jace wiggled his eyebrows and took a new condom to try it out.

"Shut up and let me out."

Jace tried to move to let me out and I felt his man-stick brush my knuckles. I screamed and hit the latch on the door as I fell out. My hands made a wild grab for something to keep me from hitting my head. I caught the edge of the counter and succeeded in pulling a huge strip of condoms onto myself. The stewardess looked down at me in horror, unsure of whether or not she should offer me her hand. Jace stuck his head out of the door and started laughing at me.

"This isn't what it looks like," I said automatically. "He's my brother."

Which was probably the last thing I should have said.

**XXX**

When we got off the plane and paid off the stewardess's story, I refused to talk to Jace. Simon and Clary didn't know the full story, but every time Isabelle looked at me she started laughing again. We got to the hotel - the same one our school was staying in, though we were on a different floor - and I locked myself in my room. I wasn't that mad at Jace by the time I showered off the plane ride and read the texts from Magnus I'd missed. He still had no idea I was in Chicago.

It was his first time in the Windy City. I'd been there a million and one times, so when Clary and Isabelle came to my door saying they were going sight-seeing, I said I'd pass. I sort of just wanted to take a nap and watch TV. What can I say? I'm a boring traveler. Magnus sent me a picture of him in front of the Bean, and another one of him in some couture store pretending to wear a dress. I wondered absently who was taking the pictures for him. He had so many friends. It could have been anyone. The worst part was that he didn't seem to miss me at all.

Well, of course he didn't miss me. He wasn't crazy, like I was. Going to Chicago suddenly didn't seem like such a good idea. In fact, it seemed sort of creepy. Creepy and possessive. If there was one thing Magnus hated, it was feeling possessed. My stomach started hurting and I forced myself to lie down and take a deep breath. Magnus loved me. He wouldn't be mad. He wouldn't. He couldn't. My intentions were good, weren't they?

I grabbed my phone and called him.

"Alec, what's wrong?" He sounded breathless.

"Is it creepy for me to miss you?"

Magnus was quiet for a moment. "No... But I'll be home soon."

"I didn't mean to do this," I went on. "I mean, I agreed to it, but it wasn't my idea. Actually, I think that everyone just wanted to get out of the city. Jace and Isabelle usually take people on these big, insane trips out of no where and I never go, but I went on this one because you were here and they wanted to come here. But I feel really creepy and clingy because..." I had to take a breath and spit my mouth up again, "I kept worrying about you being in Chicago. Chicago has a notorious crime rate and you're very tall and airplanes can be dangerous, but that's not the point and I may or may not be at the same hotel that you're at."

Magnus didn't say anything for a few long moments. "We're at the Home Run Inn on 31st Street. Can you get here?"

"Yeah," I said, feeling both excited and terrified. "Magnus, I'm sorry."

He chuckled. "I don't understand you," he said softly. "I just don't get how you're real."


	20. Punishment

**Punishment  
><strong>

The Home Run Inn smelled glorious. I hadn't noticed how hungry I was until I got out of the taxi and smelled the store wafting towards me. Inside was intensified. It was chilly out and the Inn was nice and warm and full of pizza. Of course, it wasn't an actual inn. Just a restaurant. I noticed kids from my school right away, but they didn't recognize me. For one, I was out of uniform, which was something rare in itself. For another, I was in Chicago when I really shouldn't have been. Magnus was sitting alone at a two seater table with a closed box of thin crust pizza in front of him.

I took the chair across from him.

"Oh my God," Magnus murmured. "You're actually here."

I blushed. "Like a stalker."

He took my hand under the table. "I like you being around. Stalker or not."

"I still feel bad. This is your trip." I frowned and looked down at the design on the tabletop.

Magnus scoffed. "My gorgeous boyfriend loved me so much he skipped school and hopped a plane to come see me on an out-of-state school trip. What a bastard!" He glared at me. "And now instead of sharing a bed with Wesley Howell and his whistling deviated septum, I'll be up all night having wild hotel sex with the world's most adorable billionaire. What a life I live."

I beamed at the table and then flicked my gaze up to Magnus's eyes. "Wild hotel sex?"

"Unless you're sharing a room with one of your siblings..."

I snorted. "God no. They have their own agendas. You should hear what happened to me on the plane..."

XXX

Magnus and I had to part ways. His class was going to see some wedding dress designer, which I definitely didn't be a part of. I wandered around for most of the day, keeping to the places I knew. I passed a vegan jewelery store and saw a leather bracelet that I ended up getting for Magnus because it had an M imprinted into it. Izzy and the others finally called me and were surprised that I was looking through stores. They finally pulled me down to the piers and made me eat tons of French fries, but I managed to escape when Izzy started talking about upscale clothing stores. No one looked like they wanted to go, but if Izzy went, Simon went and if Simon went, Clary went. And, of course, if Clary went, Jace went.

I escaped to the hotel, feeling like I'd just had my life spared. It was just getting dark when I slid my card into my door and fell face first onto my bed. Ten minutes later there was a knock at my door. I expected it to be the maid because my room was the way I'd left it. I opened the door and found myself stuck to Magnus like Velcro. He ripped off my sweater and kicked the door shut. I gasped when his lips left mine. My mouth felt hot. My skin was electric. He looked like something wild and amazing. I watched him toss his own shirt off and then felt his hands grab the bottom of my shirt and whip it off.

"Magnus," I tried to say, but he'd already pushed me onto the bed and climbed on top. Our hips ground together and he pushed down. Feeble whimpers kept slipping out and Magnus seemed to eat them up. When he pulled away again, I managed to sputter, "They'll know you're gone."

"Don't worry about it," he said smoothly, running his fingernails lightly down my chest. "Do you know why I'm here, Alec?"

"Wild hotel sex," I panted.

He shook his head. "Nuh-uh. I'm here to punish you for following me." Magnus rocked himself onto his hands and knees and forced me to slide backwards. "Oh, little Alec. Innocent little Alexander. Flying all the way out to Chicago because he wants my cock. That's why you're here, isn't it?"

I swallowed hard and decided just to nod. He obviously wasn't in the mood for my declarations of love. My jeans were painfully tight and my skin felt all feverish. Magnus grazed my hard-on with the palm of his hand, licking his top lip.

"How bad do you want it, Alec?"

"S-" My voice cracked. "So bad."

"Prove it to me."

I don't know what he expected me to do, but I immediately overpowered him. Magnus looked shocked, even a little bit scared. I tried not to think of that and kissed my way quickly down his chest to the fly of his jeans. I popped the button and then hesitated. What if I did this wrong? A couple hours trying to replicate what Magnus had done to me on a popsicle was nothing in comparison to the real deal. But Magnus's maddeningly sexy dirty talk was right - I did want his cock. And I was going to have it, whether I was nervous or not.

I slid off his jeans and his boxers and tried to meet his eyes before diving down. The plan was to take as much as I could without choking - because there was a fair amount to choke on - and work with that. But my head was angled weird because of how we were lying on the bed and Magnus bucked into me when my teeth accidentally scraped against him. My first try at oral sex and I ended up almost deep throating him.

I pulled back immediately, unsure of what to do. The feeling was weird, but it wasn't exactly unpleasant. Wasn't it supposed to make me gag? But then I remembered back to when I was seven. I'd dranken cough syrup because there was a giraffe on the bottle and my mom had tried to make me puke my shoving her finger down my throat. It hadn't worked, so she made me drink water with salt in it.

I had no gag reflex. Amazing.

Magnus watched in silence as I angled my head and took him again, this time going deeper. Then a little more on the next, then more and more until I'd almost taken all of him. I tried humming a bit because I assumed that would feel good for him, and then when it felt like I couldn't breath right, I pulled off and licked him. Magnus was going insane, writhing in the sheets. He ended up knotting them in my hair and forcing me down. I could feel his body shudder and I knew he was getting close.

"Enough," he hissed, pushing me up by my shoulders. "I'm not done with you."

It was forceful and different and so hot that I thought my skin would catch fire where he touched me. Magnus bit at my throat, his hands undoing my belt. I thought for a moment that it was stuck by the way he was tugging at it, but then it was off. Not simply undone, but out of the loops. He gave me a mischievous little grin and then put the belt over his shoulder. His hands ran up my sides and then down my shoulders. Suddenly Magnus was straddling me so tight I could hardly move my legs. He forced my arms over my head and then pulled the belt off his shoulder.

I heard the buckle clang off the frame of the bed and realized what was happening a moment too late. Magnus looped both of my wrists into the belt and tied it off. It wasn't too tight. I could still move my hands around. That wasn't the point. I was completely trapped by him, my jeans slung so low on my hips that they might as well have been off, with Magnus staring at me like I was some sort of art piece in a gallery.

"If you don't want this," he breathed, voice losing all of its intensity, "just tell me. I'll stop."

I bit my bottom lip and rolled my hips against him, causing myself to gasp. His eyes went wide and the wicked smile returned. He forced my hips down and I opened my mouth to complain.

"No talking until I say you can talk."

"Mag - "

He put his fingers to my lips. "This is a punishment, remember? You do what I say."

There was nothing for me to do except nod and whimper because the more he spoke, the tighter my pants got. It was maddening, but I couldn't help but love that it was happening. Magnus began rubbing his thumbs around my collarbone, then slowly worked his way down to my nipples. He slowly grinded against me, naked skin on fabric. I just wanted my pants to be gone, but he wasn't going to let that happen. I had to bite my lip to keep from begging him to take them off. He seemed to know what was troubling me. He smiled real wide and asked, "What's wrong, Alec? What do you want?"

My voice was shaky when I said, "You. Please."

He slowly laid his head on my chest, continuing to rub himself gently against me. I tried to bring my legs up around him, but he roughly pushed my knees back down onto the bed. "You want me? You already have me. What do you want, Alec?" He licked my jaw line.

"My pants," I groaned. "It hurts."

The button on my jeans popped and he dragged the zipper down slow. Then he sat back and stared down at me. I almost started screaming at him when he rolled off the bed. A second later he appeared at my feet, holding a thin digital camera. Before I could tell him not to, he'd already taken a picture of me. I just hoped it was dark enough that you couldn't really see me. Of course Magnus's smile spoke against that, but I decided I'd get rid of the picture later.

Magnus grabbed the cuffs of my jeans and took his time sliding them off. Even though I was struggling to push them down, he was in complete control of their descent. His long hands wrapped around the tops of my thighs and he slid himself upwards. The ring in his nipple dragged across my inner thigh. I took a deep, strangled breath and threw my head back. Magnus pressed his lips to the waistband of my plain black boxers and tugged them down a centimeter, placing insanely chaste kisses with each one.

"You've been a very, very bad boy, Alec," he snickered against my hip. "Very, very bad. What do you have to say for yourself?"

My answer was garbled between my gasping and writhing. There were going to be bruises on my wrists.

"Hmm? What was that?"

I took a big gulp of air and forced myself to look down. He was tracing the tips of his fingers lower and lower on my treasure trail, only to pull them up again before actually touching anything that would relieve some of the pressure. His other hand was holding me down. "Fuck me," I said. "Please."

His eyes lit up and he gave me that grin that made me think of the cat from Alice in Wonderland.

"Well, since you asked nicely..."

And then he was everywhere.


	21. Reward

**Reward  
><strong>

Have you ever accidentally been turned on somewhere really public?

When I was about thirteen I was going to get ice cream with Jace and Isabelle when we walked past this busker. He was all spiked hair and chains and tanned skin. I bet he lived somewhere with an exposed brick wall and a lot of milk crates filled with vinyls. Anyways, he saw me staring at this big rip in his shirt where I could see his stomach and he lifted his eyebrows and licked his top lip really slowly.

Insta-erection.

We got to the ice cream place - this real upscale deal where everything was white and gold and the ice cream came in three flavours. No toppings, no cones, no fun. Isabelle just went there because it was chic and she was a little rich brat. We sat in the back corner and I tried to get rid of my problem by thinking of things that weren't unbelievably attractive. I even elbowed myself in the thigh a couple of times. And then I had a brilliant idea. I put my hand in my pocket and reached over.

Problem solved.

Only instead of eliminating the problem, it only made it worse. It was torture, barely touching something that really needed to be touched. I finally had to excuse myself. I'm not proud to admit that I bumped one off in Seraph Creamery on Park Avenue, but what's done is done.

Now imagine you're not in that situation at all, only it feels a little bit the same. Imagine you're lying under Magnus Bane, feeling his soft, sticky skin against yours. Watching his face as he groans and shivers. Listening to the light creak of the bed springs as he pounds you like nothing else on this world. And imagine that you have an insane hard-on. All of the blood in your body is in your dick because you're hot and sweaty and he's hitting you in that sweet spot over and over again. It just wants to be touched. It wants to be stroked. Sucked. Licked. SOMETHING.

Did I mention your hands are tied?

Your shoulders are going to hurt like a bitch in the morning, but Magnus has a thing about seeing you tied up, and he's not exactly listening to your complaints because he's in the throws of passion and is trying his hardest to make sure that you feel your teeth rattle.

"Magnus," I kept gasping, but I could never get past that. The sensation was incredible, but it wasn't enough. "Magnus, please - " untie me " - ngggh!"

I lifted my hips, trying desperately to get some sort of friction against his stomach. He held me down again, driving faster, muttering my name over and over again. My hands twisted helplessly and I grabbed onto the belt, trying to pull myself up again. My fingers caught onto the knot and I twisted my thumb into it. All I needed was a little slack... At that moment, Magnus pushed me up on the bed and hitched my knee over his hip, giving me just enough room to pull the knot free. My hands came loose, and even though my shoulders were screaming and my wrists ached, I was able to grab onto his shoulders.

For that moment, seeing his look of surprise, feeling his rocking stop, I felt completely in control. I took that power. For the first time, I felt like I was the one running the show. I forced Magnus to flip over, which didn't take a lot of strength. My fingers scratched down his arms and then my palms rubbed up his biceps, over his chest. I flicked his nipple ring, giving him that sweet smile that always seemed to make him go doughy. Magnus's eyes fluttered and he bucked. I forced him down and then ran my hands up his arms a quick jerk, I forced them up over his head and then fumbled to get the loops around his wrists. He didn't even pretend to try and stop me.

"I flew all the way out here. Do you know what that cost?" I said slyly, feeling bold. "Don't you think I should be rewarded for being so caring?"

Magnus nodded vigorously. "You do. You're the sweetest. I love - "

I put my fingers to his lips. "Shh-shh-shh, quiet. The only thing I want to hear you say is Alec. Okay?"

His whole body shuddered, his mouth open just a little. I had the sudden urge to take his swollen bottom lip into my mouth, so I did. He moaned when I bit it lightly and tugged. The buckle on my belt jingled as he squirmed. "Alec," he breathed.

I kissed his lips chastely and wrinkled my nose at him. "Perfect." I sat back, trying to take mental pictures of him, all sprawled out and sweaty, his eyes glazed.

What could drive him insane? What would make him explode? What kind of sweet torture would be gratifying for both of us? For a moment I considered grabbing a condom and trying to top, but that could turn messy and I didn't want to break the sweet sin of the moment. Then I had it. Of course, I would never want Magnus to bring it up again and it would be a dark blot on my memory, but I didn't really care.

Slowly, I moved back until I was kneeling between Magnus's knees. I bit my lip, tilted my head back, and ran my hands down my chest. Over my nipples, down the lean muscles on my stomach, skimming across my treasure trail, until I reached my poor, abandoned dick. Magnus keened sort of like a dog when I started pumping long, slow and hard, one hand running down my thigh and back up over my hip. I avoided his gaze and stared at his toned, writhing body. He started chanting my name, almost like he was begging for me to keep going and to stop at the same time. I groaned and sighed and panted his name, tugging faster. Remembering the feel of his mouth on me and forgetting the empty feeling that had come after it. I had Magnus. He was mine. All mine.

The thought almost made me lose it. I let go of myself, meeting Magnus's eyes. He looked almost wild. I swallowed thickly, feeling a little embarrassed, and climbed up over his body. I positioned myself over him and he said, "Alec, wait - "

"Wait? My name isn't Wait," I chuckled. He rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, but I put my hand over it. "Complain all you want. You're tied up, Magnus. There's nothing you can do."

He started to speak behind my hand so I slammed myself down onto him. We both cried out at the same time. I took a moment to get used to the feeling and then started pushing myself up. I braced myself against his chest and experimented with how far I could push myself for how long. In the end, the best strategy was to sort of bounce on the bed, one hand holding me up while the other stroked myself. He was choking out a litany of my name mixed with fuck, God, and several words that were definitely not part of the average Korean dinner table conversation.

I felt myself getting close. Everything in my stomach was tightening up. My eyes were watering and all of the muscles in my throat stopped working. Magnus beat me to the punch. He screamed - literally screamed - my name and shot off inside me. I watched his face as he did it, almost entranced, my pace slowing. When the trance broke, I pulled off of him, my hand moving slowly, my orgasm dancing on the edge.

"Alec," Magnus panted. "Come on, baby. Cum on me. I want you to."

My mouth fell open. I was unsure he'd actually said it until he repeated it. It wasn't long after that, with a feverish wrist and a lot of swearing, that I came all over Magnus's stomach. He locked eyes with me and then surged up. I leaned down and kissed him long and hard, balling my fists in his hair. He tugged roughly at his binds and I finally thought to untie him, but not before pulling back to take another mental picture of him naked and bound and covered in my jizz.

What can I say? I, like all other humans on planet earth, can occasionally be a bit of a pervert.

Magnus's hands came free and he wrapped his arms around me. I pulled off his condom for him and then bent over the bed to find a sock to clean him up with. He sighed contently and kissed my sweaty hair.

"Seriously, Alec," he finally said, voice hoarse. "Where did you even come from?"

"Tralfamadore," I murmured sleepily, my face in the crook of his neck. "I was an attraction at the zoo there."

He laughed and then we both drifted off into sleep, listening to each other breathe. I just hoped that I fell asleep before him, lest he hear the soft whistle of my deviated septum.


	22. The Crusts

**The Crusts  
><strong>

In the morning, Magnus and I went down for breakfast.

His class was going to a leather house. He said that it was against his religion and his fashion teacher didn't care enough to check that he was in his hotel room for the day. I held his hand in the elevator. We were all alone, but the blinking red light of the camera told me that someone was looking. We stepped out into the lobby, completely unprepared for what was waiting. A million lights began flashing. I stumbled back and bumped into Magnus. He caught me, scowling at the crowd. They were all calling my name - my full name.

"Alexander Lightwood! Alec! Over here!" Snap. Flash. Click."So it's true then? This is your boyfriend? Boyfriend, what's your name?"

"Oh, fucking hell," I muttered. My hand fell out of Magnus's and I stepped away from him, but it was too late. It was out. I was out. I turned to Magnus. "I'm sorry," I said. My stomach hurt. I felt like I was going to cry. Magnus looked utterly shocked. Frozen, his expression caught between pissed and confused.

And then he unfroze. He smiled nicely at all of the paparazzi, threw his arm over my shoulder, and stuck one long, elegant middle finger to them all. Then we stepped back into the elevator and went back to my room. "Looks like we're having room service for breakfast," he said calmly.

That was that.

My cell phone rang non-stop all day. The pictures were out. TMZ played the story. The rag mags went insane. Magnus had to go back to his room and my siblings and their cohorts flooded mine. Jace was pissed, mostly because they were running an unsourced story saying that we were both gay. That he was my original lover. That my adopted brother turned me gay. Mom and dad called. They wanted us to come home and let it all settle down.

Through the whole thing, I sat in the corner in one of over stuffed chairs, watching the flickering flat screen.

"Hey," Isabelle said, "look on the bright side. The LGBT community is going nuts for you. See this?" She turned her laptop and showed me some gay kid's Tumblr. There was a picture of me coming out of the water at the beach last year - a long forgotten photo because I just wasn't that interesting. "It has twenty-thousand notes already."

"Oh. Yay," I dead-panned.

There was a knock on the door. Jace looked through the peep-hole and then opened the door. Hotel security was swarmed around the lobby and our floor, so I wasn't that afraid. Magnus was back, looking frazzled and unamused.

"Well, looks like I'm not going to Madame Veronique's Couture Hat Shop," he huffed. "Mr. Lawrence told me to stick with you for the rest of the trip. I guess chaperoning works different with famous kids." He gave me a little smile at that.

I rolled my eyes.

"And they haven't figured out who sold the story to the paps," he went on, leaning against the wall beside the TV. "But they're certain it was someone on the trip."

I sighed and hugged my knees. Of course they sold us out. I had been stupid, kissing him before he left like that. We guessed it was someone in Magnus's room who did it. They were the ones who knew we spent the night together, which was yet another story running around. Our stolen night of passion! Shot me in the face, please.

"Whoa, what happened to your wrists?" Simon asked out of no where.

Magnus and I both looked down, but mine were covered with sleeves. Magnus was wearing a t-shirt and you could clearly see the bruises from my belt. He smirked to himself.

"Shut up, Magnus!" I shouted before he could say anything. My face was bright red.

He sauntered across the room and sat down on the arm of my chair. "Good thing I was wearing your sweater this morning," he said, "or the media would know about your thing for bon - "

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

" - dage."

Jace and Isabelle made the same horrified face, Clary blushed and avoided looking at the two of us, and Simon snorted.

"You would be so much better if you couldn't talk," I muttered.

"Ooo! A ball gag! That seems like your thing."

Isabelle threw a pillow at him and he fell onto my lap. Another report was playing on Entertainment Hour about Lightwood Industries heir, Alexander Lightwood, and his homosexuality. I couldn't even associate myself with the reports. It seemed too surreal that they were talking about me. Why did they fucking care? They masked the fact that I was irrelevant before they figured out my sexuality by saying I was mysterious. I was not mysterious. At all. The picture of Magnus catching me, his hand in mine, flashed up. They were calling him my exotic boy toy. We all had a good laugh at that. All except for Magnus. His eyes went dark and he gritted his teeth, but let it go. It made my skin prickle.

Magnus pulled out his camera, turned it on, and flipped through the pictures. They were all hotels and buildings and clothes. I smiled at them, completely unaware that he was just finding the picture he needed. It shocked the hell out of me when he stopped on the one he'd taken the night before. I made a high pitched squeak and everyone looked at me.

"What is it?" Jace asked.

"Oh, nothing," Magnus said coolly.

Nothing meaning a picture of me, flushed and sweaty, strapped by my wrists to the very bed Jace was sitting on. My stomach muscles were all bunched up and my pants were undone, both of my hipbones showing. One knee was propped up and my eyes were glazed, mouth open a little. Magnus gave me a mischievous look and then clicked the delete button. His brought his lips to my ear.

"Don't want that at a news stand, do we?"

I laughed, high and reedy. "Certainly not. I don't want to be knocked over the head and dragged into people's apartments every time I go through the Village."

Magnus laughed and the light slipping in through the curtains hit his face, making his eyes look liquid. My breath caught in my throat and I reached my hand out to stroke the back of his hand. My heart gave a heavy pang. It felt like I had acid reflux, the way my chest was burning and my stomach was rolling. I thought of how much abuse he had gone through before. All of the people who had used him without realizing how fantastic he was. Who thought he was a boy toy. I took a shaky breath and looked down at my phone.

It was ringing again. Another magazine or TV show snaking its way through my privacy, wanting an interview. Why did I give Jace and Isabelle's publicist my phone number? Oh, that's right. Because I never thought she would actually call. I clicked the talk button. "Who wants the interview?" I asked.

"People Magazine."

"Okay, I'll do it."

The hotel room went completely silent. Jace looked concerned. He knew I didn't do interviews. Or charities. Or big televised dinner parties. It wasn't my thing. I just wanted normal. But I knew deep down that I needed to do it. The idea had hit me at the right moment and I was going to go through with it.

XXX

My parents sent the private jet and hired a security service to pick us up and drop us off at the airport. Standing next to the plane, Magnus seemed to finally realize just how much money we had. The rest of them flounced inside while Magnus touched the wing and frowned.

"I know, I know. It's ridiculous."

He made a face at me. "Your family owns a fucking airplane."

"And a yacht. Are you into water?" I was getting snappy. The day was getting to me and I just wanted to drink chocolate milk and sleep. "What about London? We have another big ass house there too."

Magnus shook his head. "It would be stupid for you to condemn me for my lack of money and for me to condemn you for your abundance."

I snorted and grabbed his hand. "How poetic. Let's go home."

XXX

The day before my People interview, Magnus and I had sex in the bathroom at school again. He locked the door and kissed me slow and sweet, then peeled off our clothes. There were fading bruises on my wrists and he kissed them. It wasn't like anything we'd done before. He was slow and careful and sweet. It was less like having sex or fucking and more like making love.

Instead of screaming we just gasped and moaned. Instead of feeling urgent, it was relaxed. I felt my spine melt and let my head fall to the side. For that moment, we were something beautiful.

When it was all said and done, Magnus said, "So are you going to mention that in your interview tomorrow?"

I just laughed. "You'll see."

XXX

The interview was being filmed for their website. They redid my hair, but I shook most of the hairspray out. They tried to get rid of the Brooklyn Public Arts Camp t-shirt I was wearing, but I told them it was my boyfriend's and they seemed to think that was something they could mention during the interview. I sat down in my chair, trying to pretend I had good posture, and waited for the interviewer to get there.

Her name was Lizzie and she was nice to me. The camera was turned on and she started her questions.

"So the question on everyone's mind," Lizzie started, "is who is Alexander Lightwood?"

"Alec Lightwood is a nerd," I said with a nervous sort of smile. "And not very interesting."

"Really? A lot of people seem to disagree."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I noticed. I swear, you kiss your boyfriend at school once and all of a sudden the whole world thinks you're a gay sex god."

Well, that caught her off guard. "So he is your boyfriend?" she asked when she regained her composure."How long have you been together?"

I thought for a moment, shifting my weight and crossing my foot onto my knee. "Technically, a couple weeks. A month or so, I think? I could call him and ask, but I think he's probably still asleep."

"Did you spend the night with him?"

"No, he's just lazy. Usually when I call him he's either sleeping, just woke up, or was just about to sleep." I pulled out my phone and held up my finger, pressing his name on speed dial. I held up the phone and put on the speaker. Magnus picked up on the third ring. Lizzie seemed perturbed.

"Alec?" he asked. "What time is it? I was taking a nap."

"See! I told you." I turned the phone to myself. "Go back to napping, Magnus."

"You're weird," he yawned. "Love you."

"Love you too." He clicked off and I put my phone back into my pocket. "Before we knew each other, I used to see him sleeping in the library at school all the time. He can sleep anywhere."

"About your boyfriend," Lizzie started. "How did he meet you, if you don't mind me asking?"

I made a face. "Actually, it's sort of a long story. He didn't seek me out or try to meet me or anything. The opposite, actually. I don't know... I think - no, I know I loved him before he even met me." Lizzie looked like she was going to interject, but I didn't let her. I kept going, determined to say what I'd planned to say. "See, a lot of the tabloids don't seem to get the right story. They're all focusing in on me being gay. It's like, 'Dear God! The boy isn't straight! To the front page with him! Let's completely ignore the fact that he has a relationship with the guy he's holding hands with in all of the pictures, dehumanize him, and call him a boy toy!'" I shook my head. "Magnus - that's boy toy's name - keeps saying it's not bugging him, but I know it is. I don't know. I think all of this hype is making him feel... trivial." I paused and she didn't say anything. "The big deal isn't that I'm gay. It's that the person I loved so much for so long actually loves me back. He's not trivial. He's everything."

"And you've known him for a month?" She looked skeptical.

I laughed and shook my head. "I've known him for four years. I told you - it's a long story." And this was the part of the story that I'd cleared with Magnus. The one I asked him nicely while I was putting my pants back on in the boy's bathroom at school to tell the world. "I think both of us were just really lonely. I didn't fit in with all of the socialite stuff that my family did, and I wasn't really comfortable with being gay and all of that. And Magnus felt just as alienated. He's a scholarship kid and he did a lot of insane stuff to try and fit in. You know, kids can be so mean, even without money. I think I saw that, even though I didn't know I was seeing it. We were both just so... misplaced. I fell so hard for him. I'd follow him around at lunch like a puppy dog. He was like, I don't know..." I crossed my legs and leaned forward, looking straight into Lizzie's eyes like Jace would. "You know that guy in high school who's like a rockstar? Everything he does is incredible and funny and sweet and you just want to be close to him?"

She nodded. "I know the type."

"Yeah, that's Magnus. I was just an awkward dweeb who ended up on magazine covers sometimes. He couldn't have cared less for me. But I had such a crush for him, I bought him a sandwich one day. He didn't really appreciate that, but I think when he yelled at me he realized how alike we were - both lonely and out of place. Oh, and gay. He knew I was gay. He caught me listening to Lady Gaga." I sighed, shrugged, and leaned back. "I don't like to think of it as dating for a month. On my end, we were dating for three years already when we met."

XXX

After I spilled my guts about Magnus, she asked me a handful more questions and then sent me on my way.

The interview came out the next week and everything exploded. Somehow, the two of us became a power couple. And sure, some people weren't too kind about the whole thing, but they didn't really matter. Magnus and I graduated with our faces spilled across news stands, our high school love story praised by masses of teenagers.

There was an online store that sold t-shirts of Magnus's face.

And then it died down. The two of us didn't feed the media any more than my interview and we both fell into obscurity. The summer came and Magnus and I boarded my family's private jet and went to London. Then to Spain. We spent a couple days in Russia and two whole weeks in South Korea. Japan. An insane night in Hong Kong. Then back stateside in September, when I went off to Brown and Magnus went to NYU.

"So this is it," I sniffled when I was at the airport. "I'm leaving."

He stroked my hair away from my eyes. "You'll be back soon enough." Magnus kissed my forehead. "And I have your phone number."

I sighed. "I know. It just feels... like the end."

Magnus laughed. "Don't worry, Sandwich Boy. This isn't the crust."

We kissed again and I tried to believe it.

Apart. Miles and miles away. But we had Skype and I visited regularly. At Christmas, I came home and Magnus was waiting on his bed wearing nothing but a bow and a big grin. Then the next morning we went to a deli and had two giant sandwiches.

And Magnus paid.

**The End**


	23. Author's Note

**Please don't be mad that Sandwich Boy ended!**

**I planned to end it here.**

**See?**

***waves story outline***

**I didn't want to give warning because I was afraid of people pressuring me to write more than there really needed to be written.**

**Also, I'm starting another Malec story tomorrow. It will be just as witty as this one (and maybe not as sloppy and erratic.)**

**I love you all!**

**Farewell.**

**~Dr. Blind.**


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